Holiday Eating Tips
Holidays are a time to get together with friends and family to enjoy each other’s company while paying solemn observance to the event or tradition of cultural or religious significance that’s being commemorated.
…
Wait, did you really buy that crap about communion and remembrance?!?!
Ha, holidays are just a pretense to take a day off work and spend it eating yourself into a food coma!
That being the case about holidays and you’re here reading this, I take it that some holiday is fast approaching and you want to know how to survive it without putting on tons of weight and completely undoing your days, weeks, months of progress in the gym or with your diet.
Well, lucky for you that I have some pointers for you for each individual holiday!
Holidays:
New Year’s Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Martin Luther King Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Valentine’s Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Steak & Blowjob Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Presidents’ Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Chicken & Licking Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
St. Patrick’s Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Easter Sunday
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Earth Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
National Life Insurance Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Cinco de Mayo
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Mother’s Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Memorial Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Father’s Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Juneteenth
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Independence Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Labor Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Columbus Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Halloween
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Diwali
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Veteran’s Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Thanksgiving
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Hanukkah
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Festivus
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Christmas
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Boxing Day
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Kwanzaa
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
New Year’s Eve
Assuming that you’ve been on track the days and weeks prior leading up to the festivities, then don’t give a fuck.
Regardless what holiday you celebrate, the same rule applies.
And that one rule is?
Yup, to live it up!
Why?
Ummmmm…because much like how undereating one day won’t make you thin the very next day, overeating one day won’t make you fat either. What you have to do is routinely under- or overshoot your calorie needs for your weight management efforts to prove futile. So as long as you’re on track the days and weeks prior to a big holiday shindig and then get back on track the following day, then one day of letting loose of your calorie restrictions isn’t going to do anything to you.1In fact, letting loose of your calorie restrictions might be beneficial to help reset several hormones that have an effect on the metabolism and appetite. Anyway, because you’ve read this article, you know that whatever weight you do gain the day after a holiday blowout won’t be fat.
How to go about enjoying yourself on any given holiday isn’t something that should cause you great worry. But if, for some strange reason, you actually want to give a fuck about your nutrition like [insert holiday] were any other day and don’t want to go completely off your eating plan while celebrating it, then you might want to check out some of the holiday eating tips below to help you have a boring but healthy [insert holiday].
ONE
Get a few winks, at least seven hours of them.
Lack of adequate sleep and a smorgasbord of food is a recipe for disaster of epic proportions because of sleep’s impact on the hunger controlling hormones leptin and ghrelin.
When the body is sleep deprived, ghrelin (responsible for the feeling of hunger) increases and the production of leptin (responsible for satiety) decreases. That means that if you don’t get enough sleep the night before a big holiday blowout, you’re not only more likely to eat more food but also choose items higher in fat and calories because of the increased appetite and feeling of being less full.
TWO
Don’t go to a holiday shindig on an empty stomach.
Skipping meals to make preparatory space for Auntie Sheila’s famous chitlins and Cousin Joe’s stuffing (made with the top secret family recipe, of course) is calling for trouble.
Not consuming your necessary calories throughout the day, especially slow digesting fats and protein, means that you’ll be hungry later, resulting in you overeating and indulging in food you probably wouldn’t otherwise be stuffing your face with, like Cousin Joe’s top secret stuffing.2Wanna know the secret? The bread cubes are soaked in bacon grease that’s been reused over and over again since the Truman administration. I know, but that FLAVOR, though!!!
THREE
Train a large muscle group like back or legs ahead of your scheduled holiday gorging.
An intense workout can have two bonus effects besides destressing you before having to put on your fake smile and drag yourself to the National Life Insurance Day bash at your boss’s home that you’re only attending in order to brown nose at the last minute for that promotion that’s sure to go to Marcus, your hated office rival and the company’s top policy salesman.
These effects of weight training?
Oh yeah, that’s right, weight training!
Well, for starters, weight training revs the metabolism. In what’s known as the post-exercise calorie burn, intense physical activity results in the body burning calories well after the bout is over. Second, weight training has a profound effect on insulin sensitivity. Insulin is the hormone responsible for where nutrients go, directing them for use as immediate energy or shuttling them off for fat storage. Taking your ass to the motherfucking gym as part of your holiday feast pre-gaming increases the likelihood that a large portion of your meal(s) will refill lost glycogen stores in the muscle cells instead of the food finding its way to your love handles as a constant reminder of that one time you ate out of anger as you cried into a massive plate of food in front of everybody at an office party at your boss’s home after discovering you were not only going to be passed over for a raise but also terminated at month’s end.
FOUR
Stop giving a fuck about other’s opinions.
What this means is you could always be one of thoooooose people who brings their own food in Tupperware to social functions because they obviously don’t care about everyone whispering about how much of a wacko they are for taking their health so seriously.
Yeah, one of thoooooose people.
Be like them!
The winter and summer holidays aren’t grounds for you to fuck up your fat loss or become a bigger tub of lard if you’re bulking.
Nope!
There are a number of holiday eating tips you can use to enjoy yourself and limit the damage during a holiday.
So do those things, you!
By the way, before I completely forget, Happy Whatever-The-Fuck-Day-It-Is to you!!!
Glossary: bulk, calories, diet, dietary fat, fat, gym, hormones, intensity, metabolism, nutrition, summer, workout
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