We Shall Overcome: Breaking Through A Fat Loss Plateau

It’s been 2-3 weeks of you stepping on the scale and that motherfucker not budging, even when you step off and immediately step back on it again!

But because you read the brilliant shit on this site, you know that the scale isn’t the best indicator of progress.

Nope!

That distinction belongs to circumference measurements and your camera phone.

And the tape measure and scantily clad photos that your attention-whoring ass posts on social media under the guise of progress photos aren’t showing any change either.

What the fuck?!?!

It was only a few weeks ago that fat was dripping off your body.

Dripping off like chocolate soft serve ice cream with sprinkles on a waffle cone on a warm summer day, which I have no idea why you’re craving for all of a sudden.

But now, nothing!

Everything has come to a screeching halt.

Before your quitter instincts kick in and you do your usual throwing in the towel routine out of sheer frustration, let me tell you that what you’re experiencing is a fat loss plateau and it’s very common among losers such as yourself.

Now knowing that, if you would like to use this as the perfect opportunity to stop doing this eat right and move around bullshit, then be my guest.

But if you care to see what you started all the way through for quite possibly the first time in your quitting ass life, then read on for several things you can do to help you break through a fat loss plateau. Continue reading We Shall Overcome: Breaking Through A Fat Loss Plateau

Reversing The Fuck Out Of Your Diet In A Few Embarrassingly Easy Steps

Reverse dieting is the process of adding calories back into your diet after severely restricting them for an extended period of time.

Why you should give a fuck about it is because it’s a great way to prevent weight rebound.

You know, when you lose 20 lbs, end your diet, go to sleep, and then wake up the next morning 40 lbs heavier.

Yeah, that weight rebound!

Not only that, but because reverse dieting is primarily done to help reset the metabolism and get it humming again, reverse dieting can be implemented way before you reach your goal weight, like when you’re at a fat loss plateau. In that case, what you’d do it work your way back to maintenance then start stripping calories again.

All that is well and good, you say.

What you really want to know though is how to reverse out of a diet.

It’s quite simple, my dear…as you’ll see with these very, very easy reverse dieting instructions! Continue reading Reversing The Fuck Out Of Your Diet In A Few Embarrassingly Easy Steps

Do This, Not That: Fitness Hacks For [Faster] Results

Are you one of those people?

Y’know…the type of person to tell their lover, bestie, coworker, bank teller, basically anybody who’ll listen to them, that they’re not seeing results from their diet or exercise program even though they’re doing EVERYTHING they can possibly think of.

If you’re teetering on the verge of becoming one of those people, then you’re doing it wrong.

What exactly?

This whole fitness thing, THAT’S WHAT!!!

Because it’d be a travesty for you to become one of those people, here are some fitness hacks to help you make gains and not have to annoy those closest to you with your First World problems. Continue reading Do This, Not That: Fitness Hacks For [Faster] Results

Fancy Bamsie Glute Activation Exercises

Fancy Bamsie Glute Activation Exercises

CLICK TO PRINT

If you’re not West Indian or haven’t spent time around West Indians because you’re not from the Little West Indies (what’s commonly known as the 5 Burroughs of New York), now’s a fine time to Google “bamsie”. Oh yeah, as well as the exercise names that you may be unfamiliar with so you know how to fucking do them…but that’s just a silly thought.

Care for another silly thought? Continue reading Fancy Bamsie Glute Activation Exercises

Not Blessed With Booty? Do This For Extra Patootie!

Don't try building bigger glutes without this first!

I may be giving away my age here, but I remember a time when a certain segment of the population viewed big butts as nothing more than a grotesquerie.

But nowadays?

Shiiiitttttttt, that same segment of the population wants what they were once repulsed by.

And they want it by the buttload!

Glutes are all the rage, baby!

If you’re like most women — you know, you have more body image issues than Playboy — then you’re probably reading this because you want the type of ass that’ll inspire some marginally talented rapper to write an ode to it.

Heck, it’s even come to the point that you might be a dude who wants his crap-box to be the object of this generation’s “Baby Got Back”.

Whatever floats your boat, buddy.

This is a judgement-free zone!

Well, it’s just your luck that I know a thing or two about butt stuff.

Ummmmmm, maybe I should rephrase that.

I don’t think we’re at the stage of our relationship yet where we can reveal our sexual degeneracy to one another!

*ahem*

It’s just your luck that I know a thing or two about how to build bigger glutes.

With these following tips, you should have no trouble turning yourself into a big booty Judy.

Oh, your name’s not Judy?

Well, your booty’s going to get so big that you’ll want to legally change your name to Judy, bro!

Remember, this is a judgement-free zone! Continue reading Not Blessed With Booty? Do This For Extra Patootie!

Go The F**k To Sleep: 3 Tips + A Bonus One To Make It Happen Even When You Can’t

Don't know how to get to sleep when you can't? Shhhhhh...don't answer! Those dark circles under your eyes are telling me enough. So yeah, you need these tips!

You need sleep.

The lack of it influences the production of ghrelin and leptin, hormones responsible for hunger and satiety, respectively. With increased ghrelin and decreased leptin levels, you’re not only likely to eat more because of a greater appetite but you’ll also consume foods higher in fat and calories due to feeling less full.

And assuming that you go to the gym (yes, that’s a long leap of faith, but amuse me!), sleep serves another means to our shallow ends. As you know, resistance training produces microscopic tears in the muscle. Well, sleep provides downtime to repair those micro-tears, making the muscles bigger and stronger in order to better withstand the stress when next exposed to it.

So yeah, you need sleep.

8-10 hours of the stuff.

But you know how it is.

You lie in bed, close your eyes…

…and E-V-E-R-Y bad decision in your life replays itself with dramatic effect.

Like really, why’s this major fuckup playing back in my head in slow-motion?!?!

Trust me, I can empathize with you.

I too have had difficulty going to sleep. Tossing and turning at night and then beginning the new day not even feeling close to refreshed is a problem not only affecting you and I, but millions of people.

Sure, you could just go to bed at, let’s say, 5 o’clock in the evening so by the time all the bad decisions replay in your head you’ll finally be sleepy at 11, the time you should be going to bed.

But because you’re not a fucking senior citizen, that just won’t do!

Nope, you need more time to unwind and scour the internet for porn after a long day of scouring the internet for porn at work!

Lucky for you, there are indeed more actionable tips on how to get to sleep when you can’t, which can improve the quantity and quality of rest without crimping your oh sooooooooo active social life. Continue reading Go The F**k To Sleep: 3 Tips + A Bonus One To Make It Happen Even When You Can’t