Look here if it’s concerning health and wellness, nutrition and diet, detailed supplement information and other stuff. Basically, what I’m saying is that this is the location of general fitness shiz that could make you feel like a dumbfuck for not knowing.
It breaks whatever’s left of my wee wittle heart that people don’t love leg day to the moon and back.
I’m truly saddened by our living in a world where there are people who don’t love leg day enough to call it “bae” and other idiotic pet names; that don’t love leg day enough to write love letters to it; or that don’t love leg day enough to have put a ring on it yet.
I mean, how can you not love leg day with every fiber of your being?
Speaking of fibers, when other than leg day can you feel every muscle fiber begging and pleading for you to stop? But unless you’re a pussy, you don’t. Instead, you keep challenging your testicular fortitude (or, because I’m not a sexist jerk, ovarian stick-to-itiveness).
Oh leg day, how I adore thee!!!
…but I’m the exception, not the norm.
Go to virtually any gym and what do you see?
Nothing but leg day skipping gym brahs with light bulb physiques.
Light bulb physiques?
Yeah, they’re big up top and have nothing on the bottom.
Mad at your parents for the crappy genes they cursed you with?
Those pencil-thin arms?
That backside that’s flatter than a bombed joke — or, basically, Carlos Mencia’s standup career?
By placing your muscles under stress and causing them to grow in response, weight training allows you to enhance the body shape and appearance that you curse your parents for cursing you with.
But that’s not all, folks!
How about the lard that you’re carrying that has nothing to do with your poor food choices and everything to do with your inferior genetics?
The building of new muscle — primarily type II muscle fibers — with resistance exercise increases lean muscle mass. As we know, muscle is the body’s natural fat-burner. So the increased muscle mass means a boost in metabolism by as much as 15 percent, which translates to your body becoming a fat incinerating blowtorch as it burns more total calories in normal daily activity.
Looking better is why you want to weight train, whether you’re too caught up in your own bullshit or not to admit it.
Now, as much as I kid about you only being interested in this weight training shit for the shallowest of reasons (I’m not kidding, though), there are many benefits to it that extend well beyond just looking good so you can stop having to rely so much on your personality (how you got this far with it is a wonder to me, too!). Continue reading All About The Bennies: Why Weight Training Is Life
Somewhere in the galaxy, some intelligent life form is at the gym during rush hour and taking note that the squat rack and virtually every other station is free…
…except for equipment that has to do with the chest.
As far as that life form’s eyes can see, most, if not all, of the chest equipment is occupied by male members of the species.
It must be the beginning of the week.
Here on earth, that means it’s Monday.
Who the fuck am I, Patrick Jane or somethin’?
I should probably be flattered with the comparison, but to think that a mere mortal (even one who’s fictional) burns a candle to me is somewhat insulting because, after all, I AM OMNISCIENT!!!
With that said, however, it doesn’t take that sort of all-knowing power to figure out what day it is once you’ve been going to the gym long enough.
It’s almost like it’s encoded in the computer simulation that is our reality that Monday is chest day.
Well, I’m here to tell you that life as we know it won’t fall apart if you train chest on any other day. And who the fuck would know that better than me, someone who’s omniscient?! Continue reading What (Not) To Do On Monday
Trust me, I and others are not impressed at your uncanny ability to load the leg press machine with every 45-pound plate in the facility and then crank out “reps” with your knees barely even bending.
No, you don’t exactly dazzle us with the manner in which you grab the heaviest dumbbells and perform three sets of one struggle rep in between 15 minutes of rest.
Believe you me, neither are we bowled over with how the bar bends from all the weight you have on it as you then do some cacamamie thing that you call a squat, deadlift, bench press, whatever your imagination allows.
We can all see that you’re special in the very special sense of the word, but there’s no reason in the world for you to walk away from a station with your dumbbells still on the floor or weight still loaded on a piece of equipment as if the dumbbells and plates were an undying monument to your physical strength.
You began a workout program and after running it a few times, your strength has plateaued.
Or your fat loss has stalled.
What a drag!
Or the centimeter of new muscle you swore you grew hasn’t multiplied into mounds of curvaceousness.
Such a disappointment!
Welp, I guess it’s time to swap out your exercise routine for one you’ve read on a fitness savant’s blog, seen discussed by the gym bros on a message board, or came across in a popular Youtuber’s latest video. Maybe replace what you’re doing with something detailed in a magazine, book, social media post. Maybe scrap your current program for the program that you’ve heard your anal bleacher’s boyfriend’s hairstylist’s mailman’s uncle’s next door neighbor’s landscaper’s cousin is having great results with.
It behooves you to overhaul your program for a completely new one, right?
What are you, a fucking kangaroo?!?!
It’s just a shot in the dark here, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that no, you’re not a fucking kangaroo.