This Is Why You’re Broke

DYK!

DYK!!

DYK!!!

That’s all that’s on your mind when it comes to me.

<arms crossed>It’s almost like you think that’s all I have to offer.</arms crossed>

Well, I’ll have you know that you’re absolutely right!!!

All I have is this DYK, and I’m damn proud of it.

So let’s get to it then!

*ahem*

There’s a damn good reason why you’re broke.

And it’s because you’re a mess.

Multiple studies have found that overweight people make less money than their average-weight counterparts, with a review of the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth data suggesting that obesity lowers a woman’s earnings by 4.5 percent and a man’s by as much as 2.3 percent.

Overweight employees just aren’t attractive enough to sexually harass, leaving them unable to sleep their way up the ladder like everyone else.

Like, what self-respecting boss or higher-up is going to proposition a mess and demand them to trade sexual favors for career advancement?!?!

I know I wouldn’t!

It turns out that others won’t either. Continue reading This Is Why You’re Broke

Sizing Up Metabolism: The Effect Of Height On Calorie Burn

Damn, it’s already time for some more DYK?

Insatiable, aren’t we?!?!

It’s good for you that I like slinging this DYK as much as you apparently like receiving it!

*ahem*

As we know from reading my brilliant article about what the metabolism is, our basal metabolic rate (BMR) is a measure of how much energy the body needs to perform its basic metabolic functions and processes. Easier said, BMR is the amount of calories needed to keep you alive were you in a coma from watching the latest entry in the Alien series (like, really, how awful has that franchise become!!!).

As we know from reading that article about what the metabolism is, taller people have a higher BMR than shorter people of the same weight.

And as we know from reading that article about what the metabolism is, larger individuals burn more calories than not so large individuals because they have more skin surface area, meaning they have more cells that need energy. And energy is what, folks? Yup, calories from food that the body burns as fuel!

You already know all this though because you read that article about what the metabolism is.

But did you know that while tall people burn more calories by simply existing as tall people, short people of equal weight burn more calories while actually doing stuff, like walking? Continue reading Sizing Up Metabolism: The Effect Of Height On Calorie Burn

Grunting: What’s All The Noise About?

You’re about to get a serious DYK down.

But before you do, let me ease you into it.

*ahem*

Breathing is the shit.

It’s what helps keep you alive by ridding the body of toxins (e.g. carbon dioxide) when you exhale. On the other end, inhalation supplies the body with oxygen, which the cells use to produce the energy needed to prop your ass on the couch all day, for instance.

As fully functioning adults, we all know how to breathe — sure, some of us are annoying mouth breathers, but we all know how to do the respiration thing.

Not all of us know how to breathe when working out, though.

As a general rule, you should breathe out during the exertion phase of an exercise (i.e. when you’re lifting the weight) and breathe in during the relaxation phase (i.e. when you’re lowering the weight). Doing so helps brace the load and stabilize the spine. Breathing also helps you last longer. How? Ummmmmmm, because the production of adenosine triphosphate (ATP) is much greater in the presence of oxygen than in its absence. And as we know from clicking that link, ATP is the energy source for muscle contractions.

There are exceptions, but holding your breath while working out should be avoided.

So breathe.

But some people take it too far, don’t they?

Yeah, you know what I mean!

Thoooooooose people who make the gym sound like the primate area of a zoo.

Yeah, them!

Well, you’re probably like most people who get bent out of shape when they hear somebody violently exhaling through the use of their larynx, something otherwise known as grunting.

Why can’t that asshole just use a weight they can handle?, you say to yourself with your eyeballs rolling back to the deep recesses of your skull as you curl your 5 lbs dumbbells.

I know, what a dick! The nerve of them to interrupt your quiet time with their noise making while they try to keep some weight from crushing them to death!

…or at least that’s what they claim is why they do what they do.

Well, did you know that they’re right? Continue reading Grunting: What’s All The Noise About?

Big Bone Of Contention: Nah, You’re Fat!


I know, I know…

I’ve been somewhat derelict in my DYK slinging duties. Not that it’s an excuse (though it fucking is), I’ve been occupied with other shit up to my eyeballs!

I’m still pressed for time…but so that you don’t feel neglected and begin having thoughts of getting your needs satisfied elsewhere, I’m going to drop everything I’m doing and give you more DYK than you know what to do with.

And I only need a few minutes.

Yes, just a few minutes.

What can I say, I’m a fucking pro!!

Are you ready?

*ahem*

We’ve all heard it before from some pudgy kid (and grown ass adult) that they’re not fat, JUST BIG BONED!!!

How true is this?

Is there a such thing as being big boned? What effect, if any, does having big bones have on body composition?

Before you strain yourself, allow me to do the thinking for you.

What accounts for body mass is primarily soft tissue (muscle, adipose, organs). DEXA scans have shown that very little of it comes from the weight of the bones themselves, regardless of how large an individual is. Numerically, about 40 percent of overall body weight comes from soft tissue and the skeleton contributes only 3-4 percent. That clearly dismisses the notion that someone can tip the scales solely due to their bone weight, not because they’re actually fat.

With that said, what of the other part of the “I’m not fat, I’m big boned” argument? Do the size of your bones preordain you to carry more weight in soft tissue, thereby freeing you of personal responsibility?

It seems like we finally have an answer.

While some people do indeed have smaller or larger frames that fall outside of the norm, evidence has yet to be found that shows that bone size has any bearing on scale reading.

Well, not until recently. Continue reading Big Bone Of Contention: Nah, You’re Fat!

Wimps, Bodybuilders, And Nerdy Scientists Making Themselves Feel Better


Oh, you want some more DYK?

Really now!

Just can’t seem to get enough, can ya?!

*ahem*

Did you know that you have no reason to work out, especially with weights?

As it turns out, there’s no need to get stronger than you already are because not only are you already strong but you’re SKRONG!!! (See the improper spelling, capitalization and three exclamation marks? Now that’s serious strength!) Continue reading Wimps, Bodybuilders, And Nerdy Scientists Making Themselves Feel Better

All About Me, Myselfie & I: You Might Be A Narcissist If…

Damn, you people sure do love you some DYK!

It’s just your good fortune that you’re fucking with someone who enjoys giving it to ya just as much as you enjoy receiving it!

*ahem*

Do you go to the gym and take selfies?

What about sharing your healthy habits with friends on social media?

Well, did you know that you’re a dick?

Because you are!

In news that surprises no one with a brain who enjoys putting it to actual use, researchers at Brunel University (that’s in jolly old London town, an enchanted land far across the pond where people speak English really funny) have confirmed what everybody has known but douche-bags like yourself have vehemently denied.

What’s that?

Why, that snapping post-workout pics with the cameraphone this close to your face and posting status updates regarding your diet and workout routine is about narcissistic attention-seeking and validation.

Yes, that’s right.

You read correctly.

Researchers — proving once again how vital they are to solving life’s mysteries — say that your healthy living friends, estranged family members, ex-lovers you stalk, and complete strangers you follow for lord knows what reason, are NOT mugging for the camera in workout gear or writing a too long to read caption about how IIFYM is the bee’s knees in order to motivate you or anybody else. Rather than inspiration, the posting of gym activity is about self-obsession (or, to use clinical terms, attention whoring).

No shit. Continue reading All About Me, Myselfie & I: You Might Be A Narcissist If…

Why You Should Burn Your Gym Membership

Exercise alone is useless for weight loss. How useless? As useless as Jar Jar Binks? Male nipples? That degree in art history? I'll let you be the judge!

So you have a hankering for some DYK?

Now do ya, huh?

Let’s see if you can take this all in!

*ahem*

You can’t outrun a bad diet. You may have heard that before, or maybe not since I just made that saying up. But whatever. The lesson behind the maxim I just coined is that move around as much as you want, it’s not going to do anything if you’re not exercising the same amount of energy into controlling what you put into your mouth.

Science is often late to the party when it comes to shit that’s commonly known within the gym community, and in what will go down as another addition to the “No Shit, Sherlock” files, there’s a growing body of academic literature giving credence to the truth of my maxim.

What has the lab coat set discovered? Nothing except that physical activity accounts for very little of the calories we burn on a daily basis.

Yes, exercise alone is useless for weight loss.

Wha-WHUT?!?!

Why?, you ask as you scramble to pick your jaw up off the floor.

Prepare to be astounded…

Continue reading Why You Should Burn Your Gym Membership