Water is wack.
I get it.
I mean, why wash down your crapload of crap with water when you can do so with even more crap?
After all, water, something that can be had for little to no cost, is for peasants!
Sweetened libations, on the other hand, are for kings!
So motherfuck water and its no taste, healthy benefit having ass!!!
…buuuuuutttttt since this is the 21st century and being fat is no longer a sign of wealth, you might possibly want to humble yourself and do as the peasants do.
Just a thought, your excellency!