How Can You Help Me?
First of all, you can help yourself by taking advantage of the free premium tutorials, guides, advice giving and other exclusive BLOG content meant to give you a slight nudge — fuck it, a push over a cliff — to stop dreaming and start acting.
Or join the 1-800-FIT-NESS Facebook group to gain access to a growing community of people ready to offer support and guidance.
If you’re in the charitable spirit to put some money in my pocket, you can head over to the SHOP to purchase ebooks and other digital downloads.
Need greater direction, accountability, what have you? Then you can hire me to do whatever the fuck it is that I do.
What is that magic voodoo that I do do?
The services detailed on the…ummmmm…page you reach by clicking on S-E-R-V-I-C-E-S are all the…ummmmmm…SERVICES available for my rendering to you for a small exorbitant fee.
I bet you raised an eyebrow or two (or maybe just one because you’re a uni-brow having sicko) at the paltry amount of items to select from. What the fuck gives? Where’s the usual smorgasbord you’re presented with almost everywhere else in life?
Ya see, my dear consumer, the more items you have to choose from the less likely you are to make a decision (i.e. a purchase). It’s known as the paradox of choice, an economic theory in which shoppers face anxiety, for example, when tasked with selecting which jar of peanut butter to buy. This is illustrated by the raging dick who puts not a single fucking jar of peanut butter in their huge ass partially empty cart that was impeding everyone’s movement after standing paralyzed in the middle of the motherfucking grocery aisle with that huge ass partially empty cart blocking traffic as they stared in a stupid daze at more varieties of that sticky goodness than George Washington Carver could ever dream to come up with! Whew, that was a mini-rant if ever there was one, now wasn’t it?!?!?!
Anyway, because I’m in the business of selling you shit and having you purchase the shit that I’m selling, overwhelming you with options goes against every metric of sound business practice. That’s why I only offer the handful of services listed to help you reach your goals. With that said, if there’s a service that you don’t see offered, it doesn’t hurt to ask if I’m willing to provide it. Considering that I’m basically a whore for money, we just might be able to work something out.
Still not sure if I can help you? Perfect!
You’re exactly who I wrote The Personal Trainer Buyer’s Guide for.