<2Pac voice>Fuck carbs as a starch, a sugar, and a motherfuckin’ macro.</2Pac voice>
Cuz carbs are evil!
Evil, I tell ya!!!
How many times have you heard that before, that carbs are the enemy of mankind?
Nah, they’ve got nothing on carbs. They’re what’s keeping you away from the body of your dreams! Do keto or the Atkins diet — you know, go full retard on the no carbs thing — and voila, hello sexy!!
Want the truth?
That’s what you come here for, right (it certainly can’t be for my charming personality)?
What’s actually responsible for whether or not you gain weight from what you eat is how you respond to insulin.
Insulin is a powerful hormone that’s produced in the pancreas and released into the circulatory system in proportion to the amount of carbohydrates you eat. Among its functions are to help regulate blood sugar levels and act as the major gatekeeper when it comes to nutrient partitioning (i.e. playing traffic cop and telling nutrients where to go).
Being insulin resistant means that your body doesn’t use glucose (sugar) from food as energy and store it as glycogen in the cells of the liver and muscles to tap for immediate fuel. Instead, the body stores most of it as fat for future use. This not only happens with glucose, indicating that you have an inefficient metabolism and low carbohydrate tolerance, but it occurs with protein as well. Rather than the amino acids from food getting delivered to the places where they’re needed, the protein that was meant to repair and build up muscle finds its way elsewhere. In both instances, the ingested but unused nutrients are usually stored around your abdominal organs — e.g. liver, pancreas, kidney — thus explaining your belly that looks like it’s on its third trimester.
The common reaction to this sorry state of affairs is to severely reduce carbs. And when that happens, what do we have?! The scale goes down!
But wait, carbs are the source of energy that fuel your everything — e.g. breathing, walking, picking your nose, using your brain to finagle mouth stuff out of your cold clam of a partner before bed. So after several weeks of their energy dropping in the toilet, people resume eating carbs again and…gadzooks!!!… the scale shoots back up. Little do they know that it’s not because of fat from the evil carbs. Nope! It’s due to the regaining of water weight (and more) that was lost by their absence (after all, carbs hold water). That means that the scale going down had little to do with actual fat loss and more to do with water (and quite possibly decreasing muscle mass if their genius also informs them to go on a very low calorie diet).
By no means am I including you in the dumbfuckery above because I know you’re smarter. But that’s what
you people do, you they point the dreaded finger of blame at carbs and then take drastic action against them, as if they’re the reason why you’re they’re gaining fat and finding difficulty losing it. But carbs are clearly not the cause of what’s going on. Instead, because the body isn’t listening to the chemical message to uptake glucose and amino acids in the cells, the solution is to become more insulin sensitive.
Don’t know how to improve insulin sensitivity for fat loss (and so you don’t gain it in the first place)?
Before you throw on the Notebook with Drake softly playing in the background, there are a number of things you can do to improve sensitivity. Below, I’ve highlighted just a handful of simple tricks you can make part of your daily routine without radically changing your life (that is, if you don’t already watch the Notebook with the dulcet tones of Drake providing ambiance).
Yup, you’re reading this next sentence right! Reduce carbs. WTF?!?! I thought I just said that carbs aren’t at fault, so their reduction is a mistake. Okay, I lied. Carbohydrates are to blame. Shoot me.
…but before you do, be mindful that not all carbs are created equal. The guilty party isn’t complex carbs (i.e. starches). The dastardly villain of all waistlines everywhere is the simple carb fructose. So since ALL carbs aren’t bad, acting without prejudice against them and removing them all across the board doesn’t make sense, for reasons mentioned above. What does make sense is being discriminatory. That means cutting out soda, fruit juice, sports drinks, fruit smoothies, and table sugar; avoiding agave and processed foods containing high-fructose corn syrup; and limiting yourself to 1-2 pieces of whole produce per day.
I don’t know about you, but I have a habit of saving the meat for last whenever I sit down to eat. And that’s not optimal. Studies have shown that when eating a meal, eating the protein, fat and fibrous vegetables before touching the starchy carbs results in significantly lower blood sugar levels after 30, 60 and 120 minutes — by 29 percent, 37 percent and 17 percent, respectively — as opposed to when eating carbs first.
So as bad as you want to be like me, DON’T!!!
Instead, time your carb consumption by chowing down on that chicken, beef, fish, and greens ahead of your rice, pasta, and potatoes.
Adding a tablespoon of acetic acid (that’s vinegar, you chemistry flunking dummy) or about 6 grams of cinnamon extract to your higher carb meals makes a world of difference. In diabetics, pre-diabetics, and normal healthy folks, vinegar has been observed to boost insulin sensitivity in general and, in particular, dampen the glucose and insulin response to carbs by 19-34 percent following a meal.
As for cinnamon, it too increases insulin sensitivity and lowers blood sugar by slowing the digestion of carbs and decreasing their glycemic index — a measure of how fast simple and complex carbohydrates break down into sugar in the bloodstream — for as much as 12 hours after a feeding.
Don’t care for vinegar or cinnamon?
You can get similar results from green tea, nuts and other spices like fenugreek and turmeric.
I’m about to lie again. It’s what I do! What can I say, I’m a pathological liar just like your mother (she’s proud of you? HA!!!)?! I said I’d recommend things that you could do without radically changing your life. But here I am about to tell you that not only do you have to go to the gym but that you also have to lift weights with greater intensity.
It just so happens that strength training depletes glycogen stores and reduces the amount of insulin needed to replenish them. That means the body is more receptive to carbs when in this state. As such, you can eat almost anything postworkout without fear of the body storing the glucose as fat (that doesn’t give you license to be stupid about what you eat, though).
Another incentive to train harder than you do now has to do with muscle. Muscle, which is metabolically expensive to build and maintain, is a major energy whore. How much of an energy whore? More than the soul-draining person you’re romantically involved with? Well, it accounts for the consumption of about 70-90 percent of the glucose in the blood even when you’re not active. So the more muscle mass you have…well, you can figure it out.
Improving insulin sensitivity has the benefit of not only accelerating fat loss and muscle gain, but addressing it has the added benefit of augmenting your performance in the gym; allowing you to sleep better and wake up feeling refreshed; speeding up recovery from training or injury; and preventing a slew of health problems that we don’t really give that much of a fuck about because we’re all about the aesthetic.
Who knew being sensitive was such a good thing?!?!
Sure, dudes will make fun of you and women will friend zone the hell out of you (they ALL want a jerk, irrespective of the lies they tell themselves and the imbecilic brain between your ears that’s stupid enough to believe them), but at least you’ll look BANGING AS FAWK!!!