Big Bone Of Contention: Nah, You’re Fat!


I know, I know…

I’ve been somewhat derelict in my DYK slinging duties. Not that it’s an excuse (though it fucking is), I’ve been occupied with other shit up to my eyeballs!

I’m still pressed for time…but so that you don’t feel neglected and begin having thoughts of getting your needs satisfied elsewhere, I’m going to drop everything I’m doing and give you more DYK than you know what to do with.

And I only need a few minutes.

Yes, just a few minutes.

What can I say, I’m a fucking pro!!

Are you ready?

*ahem*

We’ve all heard it before from some pudgy kid (and grown ass adult) that they’re not fat, JUST BIG BONED!!!

How true is this?

Is there a such thing as being big boned? What effect, if any, does having big bones have on body composition?

Before you strain yourself, allow me to do the thinking for you.

What accounts for body mass is primarily soft tissue (muscle, adipose, organs). DEXA scans have shown that very little of it comes from the weight of the bones themselves, regardless of how large an individual is. Numerically, about 40 percent of overall body weight comes from soft tissue and the skeleton contributes only 3-4 percent. That clearly dismisses the notion that someone can tip the scales solely due to their bone weight, not because they’re actually fat.

With that said, what of the other part of the “I’m not fat, I’m big boned” argument? Do the size of your bones preordain you to carry more weight in soft tissue, thereby freeing you of personal responsibility?

It seems like we finally have an answer.

While some people do indeed have smaller or larger frames that fall outside of the norm, evidence has yet to be found that shows that bone size has any bearing on scale reading.

Well, not until recently.

A team of forensic scientists led by Ann Ross and Gina Agostini found that they could determine with near certainty if skeletal remains were of an overweight individual by the width of the formerly alive person’s femur.

I know, you’re flabbergasted…

…that not only do TWO female scientists exist but that they were also in leadership positions! I still can’t get over it either. Oh, the comedy!

Annyyyyway, the femur’s increased width is to compensate for the load. That of course means that an overweight person is born with bigger bones because they’re destined to become overweight!

So that settles it. Eric Cartman and the rest of the chubbies he so eloquently serves as representation for were onto something.

Right?

Right?

Ummmmm, not exactly!

See, the biomechanics of overweight people differ from others due to the greater mass that they have to carry. That’s been long known. What hasn’t been known but is now theorized thanks to these findings is that this greater mass results in stress applied to the skeleton when the person is ambulatory.

Now, ask yourself this: what happens when stress — especially in the form of weight — is routinely applied to the body?

Pst…go HERE

Well?

<snapping my fingers>Bingo!</snapping my fingers>

That’s correct, an adaptation then takes place (you putting up with my sarcasm, profanity, abuse, sexism, yada yada yada, is starting to pay off with you knowing shit, huh?). In this case, the adaptation is a strengthening of the femur by the shaft becoming wider.

So yeah, the pocket-protector crowd — otherwise known as “researchers” — have discovered that plus-size people do indeed have bigger bones than normal weight people. But endomorphs need not rejoice. They’re going to have to come up with some other bullshit that absolves them of responsibility for their weight because having big bones, or at least a femur with a Lexington Steele size shaft, is a physiological adaptation to weight gain, not the cause of it.

Welp, that’s it.

I’m spent.

I hope that DYK session was as good for me as it was for me.

Yeah, you read that correctly.

I’m not conscientious AT ALL!!!

Has anyone ever said that shit to you? And when they said they’re not fat, JUST BIG BONED!!!, how far back in the caverns of your skull did your eyes roll?
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