How You Livin’? Not That FKN Healthy!

Most American adults do not live healthy lifestyles. Are you included in that bunch?

So you want some DYK, huh?


Did you know that only a measly 2.7% of U.S. adults live a completely “healthy lifestyle”?

Such is the finding of a study published in Mayo Clinic Proceedings by geeks in lab coats at Oregon State University, with contributions made by other pocket-protector wearing dweebs at the University of Tennessee-Chattanooga and the University of Mississippi.

That means that a whopping 97.3% of grown folks DO NOT meet all four of the standards of health, greatly opening themselves up to cardiovascular disease, cancer, type II diabetes and other scary shit. Instead, 34 percent meet one parameter, 37 percent meet two, 16 percent three, and 11 percent meet absolutely none and are like “Motherfuck giving a fuck about my health”.

What were the lofty criteria established by the dorks in Coke-bottle glasses?

Gulping down oceans of water and munching on nothing but kale and quinoa (organic, of course)?

Vigorous exercise 8 days out of the week for 25 hours per day?

Possession of a figure that looks like it was drawn by Jim Lee’s hand?

Living your entire life having never drank a drop of alcohol, banged heroin, or done bumps of coke out of a stripper’s belly button?


The researchers were looking for the absolute bare minimum.

All the sample of 4,745 people had to do was:

  1. be moderately active for at least 150 minutes each week;
  2. consume a balanced diet of foods;
  3. have a good body fat percentage; and
  4. not smoke.

Maybe it’s just me, but there’s nothing unreasonable about any of those criterion.

Given the results, however, it appears that the extremely low bar was set far too high for most.

How ’bout you? How many healthy characteristics do you (think you) meet?
Not as healthy as you thought you were, huh? What are you going to do about it?

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