Moving Backwards: Reversing The Fuck Out Of Your Diet

Reverse dieting is the hottest shit in the streets right now. Learn what it is and why you should the crowd like you do almost everything else!!
So here you are, you lost a shitload of weight…

…and put back on the pounds (and even more) in less time than it took for you to lose them.

The fuck?!

Well, if you’re like most people (and you fucking are!), I bet you decided to loosen up some by finally eating every bit of scrumdiddlyumptiousness that had been calling your name during all those weeks of dieting. Hey, you were on your grind for how long and reached your goal weight, right?! So what’s an entire cheesecake here and a pizza there? Shiiiiiiiiiitttt, if anyone deserves some treat yo’self, it’s you!!!

Or, if you’re a bit more serious about this fitness shit and didn’t turn into a glutton and eat everything in sight like you were trying to make up for lost time, I bet you brought yourself up to your maintenance calories almost overnight.

Whatever the case, care to take a guess why your weight shot the fuck up?

I’m not a genius or nuffin’ (actually, I am) so take what I say with a grain of salt, but your weight gain probably has to do with you thinking that the diet is over once the diet is over.

Sorry, but it isn’t!

Now, I know what you’re saying to yourself.

Why the fuck is this dope telling me that the diet isn’t over when the diet is clearly over thanks to me reaching my goal weight?

Technically, yes, the specific diet you were on is donezo.

But the dieting process itself?

Nope, not so donezo.

Allow me to explain.

What happens after restricting calories for weeks and months is that the body undergoes metabolic compensation (i.e. your metabolic rate slows down considerably).

That’s why if you end a diet and then increase your caloric intake by binging or staying within the realm of control but immediately going to maintenance levels, what you’ll gain is mostly fat from the metabolism’s impaired ability to burn those calories it’s unaccustomed to dealing with.

Additionally, once more calories are available after an extended period at a deficit, the body sees fit to hoard fat to better protect itself from the next time your crazy ass tries to strip the body of its adipose stores and tissue, which are both very important and serve a multitude of vital functions.

The solution?

To keep dieting.

Seriously.

The solution is to continue the diet process.

However, rather than slowly removing calories as you would during a weight loss, fat loss, or whatever loss diet, you would instead slowly add calories (mostly from carbs) back into your diet over a period of weeks until you’re at the level of calories you should be eating to maintain your new weight.

This is what’s known as “reverse dieting” because…ummmm…you’re dieting in reverse. While it’s something that competitors are starting to do more and more, the general population should also be following suit.

The reasoning behind why you want to do this and not what you and most people do is simple!

Prepare yourself to feel like a dunce if you haven’t figured it out yet.

Okay, dunce, the thinking is that slowly bumping yourself up to maintenance calories in a span of weeks, not days, allows the metabolism to rev itself back up to working order.

Now, will you gain weight?

You betcha!

…but you have to remember what “weight” is and that there’s a difference between it and fat. The weight you may or may not gain while reverse dieting will more than likely be water weight thanks to the reintroduction of carbs and their gradual increase week by week. If your circumference measurements start increasing or you notice that you’re spilling over, all that means is that you’re gaining chub because your impatient ass is adding calories back too fast and needs to slow the fuck down.

I bet you want to learn exactly how reverse dieting works.

Since I live to do nothing but please, here you go!

Oh, but wait!

Sorry, that’s for another time and blog category.

Find the details in a future Do Stuff Guide, a blog category that helps you learn how to do stuff, which is what step-by-step reverse dieting instructions will kinda sorta help you do (now be mad all you want, but I need CONTENT and to create as much of it as possible, even if that means explaining elsewhere what very well could have been explained here).

Moving backwards in life is generally a bad thing.

Going from a job as a high-salaried corporate executive to Wal-Mart greeter?

Yup, that would be considered a bad thing!

Living in a bustling metropolitan area and relocating home to Buttfuck, Iowa?

Yup, that would be considered a bad thing!

Going from a job as a high-salaried corporate executive in a bustling metropolitan area to relocating home to Buttfuck, Iowa and working as a Wal-Mart greeter?

Fuuuuuuccckkk, bad doesn’t even begin to describe that!!!

But moving backwards to climb out of a caloric deficit?

Not so much!

Any opinions, questions, concerns or you just wanna call me a doody head? Speak your mind.
…Oh, you really do have something to say?!?! I was just being polite. Well, go ahead…let it out…if you must!
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