The Complete Protein Powder Guide

So you’re minding your business at the supplement store when some pencil-neck employee interrupts your serenity to tell you all about protein powder. The vast knowledge and experience that’s evidenced by their physique clearly has you bowled over.

I hope to impress you as much with this protein powder guide.

WHAT IS PROTEIN POWDER?

Protein powder is powdered protein.¹Hence the ingenious name “protein powder”.

For full dramatic effect, imagine me saying the “ingenious name” part as I roll my eyes so far back into my skull that I can cough them out at you. More specifically, protein powder is a powdered form of protein derived from plant- or animal-based sources and is classed as a dietary supplement.

WHY TAKE PROTEIN POWDER?

Protein is important for enzyme and hormone production. Also of great interest to you, protein helps the body repair and build new tissue. You know, stuff like bones, skin, blood, and cartilage.

Oh, and protein helps repair and build muscle too so it grows bigger and stronger, if you’re into that sort of thing!²By the looks of your body, it appears that you’re not really into that sort of thing!

If it’s not pretty obvious, protein does good things. And because protein powder has protein in it, we can deduce that protein powder can be used to derive the benefits of protein.

So yeah, taking protein powder might be a good idea.

DO I NEED PROTEIN POWDER?

Nobody “needs” protein powder.

The bulk, if not all, of your protein intake should come from whole food sources. But if you’re active and require larger amounts of protein to build and maintain muscle but don’t have the time to cook a meal or, heaven forbid, even chew your food, then it might be to your benefit to make use of one of the different types of protein powder to supplement — NOT supplant — your diet, which is what a supplement is for!³You’re not that busy that you can’t annoy people with your loud smacking noises while chewing food with your mouth wide open, so the not having time to chew part definitely doesn’t apply to you, slacker!

WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF PROTEIN POWDER?

WHAT TYPE OF PROTEIN POWDER SHOULD YOU BUY?

As you can see, there are a variety of protein powders, each with different price tags for their different ingredients that serve different purposes.

Because you’re an individual, the type of protein powder that’s best for you comes down to your dietary needs, goals, food preferences, and budget.⁴For example, if you want a powder that digests fast, then whey isolate is for you. Want something that works much slower? Go with micellar casein. Looking for something in the middle of the road? That’s what whey concentrate and whey-casein blend is for.

If you have money to blow and want to throw it away on protein powder instead of on strippers and more worthwhile things, then beef protein should suffice. Whey hydrolysate is another option. However, unlike beef protein, you’ll actually get something for your money’s worth with whey hydrolysate, which defeats the purpose of being frivolous. If you’re more reserved *cough*cheap*cough* with your funds, then go for whey concentrate, which offers the most bang for the buck out of all the protein powders on the market.

If you’re lactose intolerant, then you might want to steer away from whey concentrate and whey hydrolysate in favor of whey isolate, egg protein, or any of the plant-based protein powders that I’m not delving into here because my doing so would give legitimacy to the anti-meat agenda.

Yeah, that’s right, you’re an individual and should be treated as such.

Yeah, imagine that!

WHAT SHOULD YOU LOOK FOR IN A PROTEIN POWDER?

You’re a responsible drug user, right?⁵“Responsible” might be a stretch here, you lil’ party animal! Anyway, how do I know about your drug abuse? Well, it’s probably not a good idea for you to post shit on your very public social media account that has you looking and behaving zonked out of your mind as a rave is going on around you. After all, raves are synonymous with pills, shrooms, and other narcotics, so it doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together. That’s just a suggestion! And being the responsible drug user you are, you check your cocaine’s purity before buying it from your drug dealer to make sure you’re getting your money’s worth, right? Well, you should probably do the same thing with your protein powder!

Why?

Because just like how some coke is cut with chalk, talc, quinine, laundry detergent, meat tenderizer, laxatives, and other bulking agents, a lot of protein powders contain more fillers than actual protein, resulting in you not getting as much of the benefits of protein as you think.

Yeah, that powder that says it has a whopping 25 grams of protein per serving for the ridiculously high price that protein powder is sold for might only contain 12!

One way to make sure that you’re buying protein that hasn’t been stepped on is to check the ingredient panel for additives and low-quality amino acids.⁶Examples include dextrin, maltodextrin, xanthan gum, alanine, asparagine, glutamine, creatine, glycine, taurine, valine, and isoleucine.

Yeah, that involves a lot of reading, which sucks!

Since you’re more of the complicated math loving type, another method is to look for the powder’s P/Cal, or protein-to-calories percentage.

To find P/Cal, all you do is multiply the listed grams of protein by 4 and then divide the result by the total calories per serving on the label. The higher the P/Cal, the closer you are to consuming unadulterated protein, with high quality powders falling in the 80 to 90 percent range.

Also, protein powder should come in under 200 calories per serving, especially if your goal is weight loss.⁷Oh, and here’s a pretty radical thought. Because protein powder should be high in protein in order to live up to its name, the nutritional panel should read that it’s relatively low in fat and carbs, with the powder containing at least 20 to 30 grams of protein per serving.

Those are some things to keep in mind when looking at a particular product. When comparing different sources of protein against each other though, one thing to consider is the amount of essential amino acids, especially leucine. Essential amino acids are vital for recovery and muscle protein synthesis, among other functions you don’t really care about because they don’t have much to do with your appearance.⁸The lack of essential amino acids and BCAAs in hydrolyzed beef protein isolate is the very reason why it’s a waste of money, as suggested in footnote #4. Also, going back to the point about filler amino acids, beef protein is generally high in glycine.

WHEN SHOULD YOU USE PROTEIN POWDER?

With you now well-aware that protein powder does good things by way of protein, what you’re dying to know is if the legends are true that there’s a time to use protein powder that’s better than other times to thwart some terrible calamity from befalling you.

Yeah, the legends!!!⁹You know, the tales told and ballads sung of many unfortunate souls who shriveled up and died because they didn’t drink a protein shake as soon as their workout was over or right before bed! There are also the epic poems written in memory of those who got heavier in weight and fell through the earth because they didn’t drink a protein shake immediately upon waking to rev up their metabolism.

Any truth to them?!

Well, the best time of day to drink a protein shake is whatever time you can because all that matters is your total protein intake for the day. So no, there’s no truth to any of the folklore that’s been passed down to you over the millennia!

NOTE: If using protein powder for fat loss purposes, studies suggest that drinking protein during meals helps reduce fat mass while taking it between meals is associated with weight gain and is better suited for those looking to bulk.¹⁰That difference has nothing to do with protein powder itself but what people do. When taken as a snack, people exhibit the tendency not to offset the supplement calories with those from their other meals, often resulting in them taking in more total calories for the day. Conversely, people are more prone to adjust their calories when consuming protein powder at meal times, helping them to eat fewer total calories. If training in a truly fasted state, it’d be wise to take protein immediately after. And if you need a quick preworkout meal within 30 minutes of your workout, a shake will do. Other than that, blah!!!

HOW SHOULD YOU USE PROTEIN POWDER?

Drink protein powder with water to absorb the nutrients faster or with milk for slower absorption. You can also mix it with flavored fluids like coconut water or almond milk; blend it in a smoothie; or throw in oatmeal, peanut butter, coconut oil, and other ingredients for added taste, carbs, fat, and calories.

The uses don’t end there, folks!

Make pancakes and waffles with it. Add it to coffee, oatmeal, and yogurt. Sprinkle it on fruit salad. Bake cookies, brownies, donuts, and other goods with it.

Whatever you do, as stated before, use protein powder only as a supplement. In most cases, that means its use should be closer to that of a snack than a meal that you can derive significant calories and nutrients from. That’s what food is for, as well as meal replacement powder.

WHAT IS A MEAL REPLACEMENT POWDER?

Regular protein powder and meal replacement powder (MRP) are both powders you can mix with fluids and chug down. The similarities pretty much end there.

What makes MRPs different is that they have higher levels of vitamins, minerals, carbs, fat, and fiber. Therefore, they have significantly higher calories (250-500) than regular protein powder shakes that average around 100 calories per serving but contain…wait for it…more protein. As a result, MRPs are not only as filling as a real meal, which can help you fight cravings, but they also provide various nutrients other than protein that can help the body sustain its energy needs.

If you’re prone to skip meals or can’t access real food for extended periods of time, meal replacement powder is your best bet.¹¹You know, scenarios like during sleep, or if you have a wired jaw, or when there’s a hostage situation and you need to rescue your spouse and others from the hands of a German terrorist who crashed their office Christmas party at Nakatomi Plaza.

WHAT ABOUT WEIGHT GAINERS?

What about them?

Weight gainers consist of even more carbs than MRPs, making them much more of a carb powder than a protein powder, which is why no mention of them was made in this PROTEIN POWDER guide until you just brought them up!

Anyway, as the name implies, weight gainers, also known as mass gainers, are for gaining weight. As such, they’re beneficial for those in a caloric surplus, especially beginners, most of whom aren’t used to eating as much food as they have to eat to put on muscle mass and thereby have difficulty meeting the calorie requirements for that task. Using myself as an example, getting down all the necessary food in a day was extremely challenging when I began my fitness journey. Drinking a weight gainer in the morning for a few days allowed me to get accustomed to the feeling of ingesting a huge amount of calories. Since then, eating the majority of my calories in solid food hasn’t been a problem in the least bit.

For that reason, I think weight gainers are beneficial as training wheels, per se.

Using a weight gainer for anything more is pushing it.

See, weight gainers can have upwards of 1000 calories in them per shake, with the bulk of the calories not only coming from carbs but also sugar and saturated fat. Because of this, it’s said that the weight that people gain is usually excess lard and not as much muscle as they would’ve gained had they chosen to acquire their calories by consuming real food.

Wanna know how to solve this?

By using your powers of literacy to read the labels, being sure to keep your eye out for a weight gainer that contains medium chain triglycerides and as little saturated fat as possible. Another trick is to account for the rest of your calories from solid food so you don’t exceed your total calorie intake, as well as remembering that your use of the product is temporary and isn’t something that you’re going to use for the rest of your woebegone days on earth.

Tada!

Do that and you should avoid being mistaken for a beached whale.

ARE THERE ANY HEALTH RISKS WITH PROTEIN POWDER?

As a dietary supplement, protein powder isn’t regulated by the FDA for safety and effectiveness. The testing is left for manufacturers to do, though there’s no requirement that they do that.

What could possibly go wrong with such an arrangement?!

Well, a lot!!!

Time and time again, independent studies have found that protein powders don’t contain the ingredients that manufacturers claim they do. Either that, or they contain ingredients that aren’t on the label. One example of a missing ingredient was already touched on before, and that was actual protein. As for unexpected throw-ins, they include detectable levels of pesticides, heavy metals, bisphenol A (BPA), and other toxins linked to cancer, hormone disruption, and many other irreversible health conditions.¹²Plant-based powders tested the worst, possibly as a result of the absorption of toxins in the soil by plants that were then processed to make protein powders. So take that, you animal-loving nutjobs!

The best way to avoid dangerous contaminants is to make sure that the product you’re looking to buy has been tested by a third party. One way is to look for the NSF mark right on the packaging, which certifies that NSF International has tested it to meet its health and safety standards.¹³Here’s a statement put out by NSF that challenges the credibility of the findings in the previous paragraph. If the mark isn’t on the product, then it’s not certified and there’s no telling what is or isn’t in it. In that event, this is where websites like Labdoor come in. Rather than having products sent to them for review, which invites the possibility of legerdemain, Labdoor buys products directly off retail shelves and from online retailers to test.

If it’s too much of a hassle to spend a couple of seconds taking either measure, then just buy whatever the fuck you want. Just be sure to stop using the product immediately and consult medical help if you experience any unusual side effects!

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