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Why is this site free?
Why is there so much sex (and other dirty stuff)?
Why don’t you allow comments?
How can you help me?
Can you [insert activity] for me?
How much does coaching cost?
Why is this site free?
If I do say so myself, it’s mighty generous of me to give to you for FREE what I charge people major coin for, which is my expansive knowledge concerning all things fitness.
But you get all of it here for FREE in the form of tips, tricks, hacks, guides, and other info.
Before you go remarking how charitable I am and then nominating me for humanitarian of the year awards or even naming your first, second, third born after me, the valuable info that I’ve gathered from over twenty years of experience isn’t exactly FREE. Honestly, what kind of fool do you take me for to just hand out to you advice that’s helped countless people have awesome bodies regardless if their goal has been the beach, mirror, or backing that ass up on a random stranger on a Friday night?!
No, no, no!
There’s no such thing as a free meal, folks.
So here’s the rub…
In exchange for making people such as you hot as fuck, the idea is for you to breed with each other and then spit out muscle-bodied babies who’ll someday grow up to help with my dastardly plans to take over the world.
<obligatory evil genius laugh>Mwahahaha!!!</obligatory evil genius laugh>
I think that trade-off’s only fair.
After all, I’m going to make you fucking awesome. So yeah, the least you could do in return is help me build up my fucking army!
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Why is there so much sex (and other dirty stuff)?
Let’s be honest. Health and fitness information can be boring as all heck. Go to any fitness site and tell me that isn’t the case.
But not here, mon frère!
Because I understand that entertainment is an important aspect of information retention, the sex, swearing, juvenile humor, and copious amounts of other ignorant shit is shtick for the exact purpose of creating an experience that not only helps you easier digest the content but keeps you coming back to the site for more shits and giggles and has you spreading the word about it to your network.
Moreover, my sarcastic and blunt presentation is also a display of my personality so you know exactly what you’re getting if you elect to work with me. That means the sex and other stuff serves as a filter. So if you’re the type of person to get turned off by blue language unfitting for the Queen’s ears to the point that you tune out the overall message, then you’re NOT my ideal client. If that describes you, then you and I most likely won’t mesh and make sweet, sweaty music together.1That’s sweet, sweaty music together in the gym, you fucking degenerate!
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Why don’t you allow comments?
No comments are allowed, nor are they even asked for, because I don’t really care what you people think. This, after all, is not a democracy. I alone own this site and I alone carry the burden of paying to keep it running. So I get to dictate everything. I AM A MOTHERFUCKING TYRANT!!! So silence, peons!
…
Or maybe it has to do with the fact that by not allowing comments, my time is freed up from having to moderate bullshit posted by spambots and trolls.
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How can you help me?
First of all, you can help yourself by taking advantage of the free premium tutorials, guides, and advice meant to give you a slight nudge — fuck it, a push over a cliff — to stop dreaming and start acting.
Or sign up for the weekly newsletter to stay up to date on the fitness, nutrition, and training articles that are shared here, as well as exclusive content.
If you’re in the charitable spirit to put some money in my pocket, there are a number of EBOOKS for you to choose from that provide help on a range of topics.
Need greater direction and accountability? Then you can hire me to do the magic that I do.
What is that magic voodoo that I do do?
The above are the handful of services offered by me to help you reach your goals. If there’s a service that you don’t see offered, it doesn’t hurt to ask if I’m willing to provide it. Considering that I’m basically a whore for money, we just might be able to work something out.
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Can you [insert activity] for me?
Sure, if you pay me.
While I have no problem answering simple questions and giving simple advice for free, I demand compensation for anything that requires the use of my time, energy, and knowledge to deliver a SERVICE — and that’s what you’re requesting me to do when asking me to calculate your macros, put together a meal plan, design a weight training and cardio program, or whatever else for you.
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How much does coaching cost?
Coaching costs an arm and a leg.
In some instances, I’ll gladly settle for your soul!
Or maybe coaching costs as much as it should cost for me to make my daily bread from doing what I love and am extremely knowledgeable of. Moreover, what I charge is enough for a fair, not uneven, exchange to take place between you (the person in need of help) and I (the person with the requisite expertise to provide it).
My prices can be found within the SERVICES page, where I outline the many ways I work my miraculous powers on people like you.
If you can’t or just don’t want to pay for coaching, you can obtain some of what you want from the BLOG or go to my SHOP for very affordable information products.
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