Thanks for taking the time to sign up for this site’s updates, newsletter and various other dope shit. The mean and horrible things I heard about you obviously aren’t true! You’re a pretty awesome person after all.
Won’t you be even more awesome-r and invite your friends and family to also take advantage of everything Monster Longe has to offer? Don’t be selfish. You’re not the only one who can have a totally bodacious body! Do me that itty-bitty, teensy-weensy favor and I’ll love you more than I already do from the bottom of my pre-workout soaked heart.
…and since I’ve apparently caught you in a helpful mood, why don’t ya also send me a million bucks!
While you attend to making that happen, I’m going to send you a welcome email with a link to download your free swag. If you don’t receive it, don’t panic! Just take a deep breath and check your spam folder. If it’s not there, then by all means go ape shit.