There are A LOT of bad personal trainers out there.

Before you get stuck in small claims court (or worse) with one, save yourself the headache and read this handy little handbook. It’s chock full of things that you should and shouldn’t look for in a potential trainer.

Scroll down and you can read the Personal Trainer Buyer’s Guide online.

But since I’m alllllllllll about the people, the Personal Trainer Buyer’s Guide is also available for download for your reading pleasure now, later, whenever the time permits for you to breeze through 17-pages of obscenely large lettering and generously spaced text.

I know, I’m so considerate.



The fitness industry has grown exponentially in recent times, as evinced by the upsurge of workout clothing lines, the increasing number of new supplement companies and their bullshit “proprietary blend” products, and the continued rise in gym memberships (which people don’t happen to use). Plus thanks to the upward trend in obesity rates and the general health of the American public expected to worsen as the society becomes more sedentary, added to that list is an explosion of personal trainers.

If you’re serious about reaching your health and fitness goals, hiring a trainer to work with you in the gym or remotely can be one of the best decisions you can make. It can ultimately be the difference between you seeing results or not.

However, with everybody and their momma and their momma’s best friend being a personal trainer nowadays because of the absurdly low barrier to entry, how do you know who can and can’t bring you to your destination?

Because I’m a giving person and all, I’ve made your life easier by writing you a personal trainer buyer’s guide to help you answer that question.

What’s included in it?

Nothing but detailed reasons why you should hire someone OTHER THAN ME to be your personal trainer!

Why so shocked?! Didn’t I just tell you that I’m all about service to others?

See, what matters most to me is that you achieve your fitness goals. And because I don’t want you to sabotage yourself with the foolish idea that my methods can get you to where you want to go, I’d rather point you to success by carefully running down why we may not be a great fit for each other and you should instead spend your time and dollars working with any of the more qualified trainers that the field is saturated with. It’s as simple as that!

There are trainers out there who charge considerably less than I do for the services that I offer. At their dirt cheap price point, the economic incentive of missing a set paid appointment or not following through with an online coaching program is pretty minimal. The low price of the service and/or lack of penalizing clients for their flakiness signals that their tardiness, absence or noncompliance isn’t such a big problem.

Well, it’s a huge problem to me.

I’m not a bargain bin trainer because my time is valuable. I’ve spent years amassing the necessary knowledge and experience to act as your fast forward button, effectively getting you to where you want to be in a fraction of the time it would take you on your own or with someone else.

Because of these years spent honing my craft through experimentation on myself and others, I demand the prices that I charge and there are penalties (e.g. my no-refund policy) for my time being wasted and you not living up to your end of the deal. So unless you’re an oil baron, Silicon Valley tech geek, illegal weapons trade trafficker — i.e. you have disposable income up the whazoo — not training or failing to eat what you’re supposed to because “I don’t feel like it!” is going to cost you.

For some reason, people before they get to know me think that I’m a mean S.O.B. and yeller. I don’t know what it is that gives off that impression, besides maybe my resting bitch face and the 100% New Yorkness that I exude. Truth be told, I’m a fairly mellow dude and I’ve never had to raise my voice at a client or put the fear of God in them in order to get what I wanted out of them.

I’m a personal trainer — not a drill instructor. I simply talk and explain why I want things done a certain way. A perfect illustration of this involves a young lady on the leg press machine, the session’s very last movement. After having performed two sets consisting of 20 reps each, we were on the final set when she reached the twentieth rep and I told her to do “one more rep” at least two or three times, to which she dug deep and pushed out a rep each time. I then asked her again to give me “one more rep”. This time, however, she absolutely refused to perform it.

Rather than screaming at my client for the 1-2 minutes that elapsed with us in a stalemate, I explained to her as she still sat in place at the machine why it’s important for a client not to stop an exercise until instructed to do so — even when they complete the exact number of reps they were told to do beforehand. In the case of the young lady in the example, her quads weren’t particularly strong. Because I didn’t feel comfortable challenging her with more weight than she could handle, I opted for her to use moderate weight for high reps. Since she had done the previous sets with relative ease, I wanted to test her to see if she could find it within herself to continue past the intense burn produced by her workload catching up to her — because pushing past the pain is how we build muscle. Once I explained my reasoning to her, she not only did the rep that she had refused to do but she willingly struggled to crank out a few more.

Ummm, you’re not going to be standing one-legged on the Bosu ball while rapidly doing curls with resistance tubing or hopping from machine to machine where all you’re doing is sitting comfortably and hardly breaking a sweat. Sorry, but I’m going to have you performing compound movements with free weights, lifting heavy, and mumbling under your breath how much you hate me.

However, while the workouts are tough, don’t get it confused. I’m not here to kick your ass. Whipping you into shape doesn’t involve beating your body down every session. Contrary to popular belief, soreness isn’t an indication of a good workout or muscle growth, so complicated and physically demanding routines aren’t necessary. When it comes to weight training, the old adage is true: less is more. Be that as it may with me not sending you home beaten to a pulp, that doesn’t mean that I’m a walk in the park either.

Most people work out until they feel uncomfortable, and then they begin cheating to make the movement easier and alleviate the burn, if they don’t stop the exercise altogether. If the example from the above section is any indication, this will not be tolerated on my watch! I know how to push you beyond your comfort zone and when to stop before the onset of pain or injury — all without turning into Jillian Michaels.

Oh, you’re unable to do a movement because something about it truly isn’t agreeing with you or you’re just making an excuse not to have to work that body part? Don’t you fret! Thanks to my many years of doing this, I even know alternative exercises for alternative exercises. There is no escape!!! Muahahaha!!!

Everyone’s body is different, so why on earth would a one-size-fits-all approach work? It won’t. That’s why I don’t do anything template-based. As a personal trainer, I’m paid by you for my time…so I’m stealing money from you if, for example, you tell me that you want to focus on building up your chest and what I do is simply pull up a routine from a magazine and send it to you. Or you pay me to create a diet for you and all I do is punch your stats into an Excel spreadsheet and voilà! But if you enjoy gobbling down six meals containing chicken, potatoes and broccoli every waking day, more power to you!

No, with your individual preferences, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses and goals in mind, I sit down and use my brain to devise each and every workout and nutritional program to meet your unique needs. And because everything is tailor-made specific to you and only you, you won’t find my clients doing the exact same routine or eating the exact same diet. The same can’t be said for some trainers who you should have zero difficulty finding complaints about via the awesome powers of almighty Google.

All of these reasons, and far too many more to name, are why I’m more than likely not the personal trainer for you. What other flaws can I possibly have to make you not want to hire me? Well, I also have this crazy notion that your success isn’t all on me. Instead, it’s incumbent that you follow any designed program to the letter and, most importantly, exercise patience because progress is incremental, NOT immediate.

If you’re hard-headed enough to ignore all my drawbacks and want me to work with you to lose body fat, build lean tissue, improve a muscle group, work around an injury, bust through a plateau, or just breathe life into the corpse of your stale routine, then I suggest you seek help for your mental illness.

But before you do anything crazy like commit yourself to a nuthouse, click the button below to donate some of your hard-earned money to my “Make-It-Rain” stripper sponsorship fund (I guess the philanthropist in me likes helping young women pay their way through school. Bless my heart!).