How To Do Push-Ups For Beginners
If there’s one thing that social media reveals, it’s that people are mighty narcissistic!
And what else?! That people don’t have lives!
And what else?! That people can’t do push-ups, including you!
So here’s some help to fix that before the next push-up challenge rolls around.1Trust me, another push-up challenge is right around the corner because what the fuck is social media without them!
INSTRUCTIONS
1). Get down on all fours, placing your feet wider than hip-width apart; your hands directly under your shoulders, if not slightly wider; and your fingers splayed and flat on the ground so your middle fingers are pointing toward 12 o’clock.
2). Straighten your arms and walk your feet back until you’re in a plank position. Tilt your hips under, flatten your back, squeeze your glutes, and brace your core.2NOTE: Tilt your hips by thinking about pointing your belly button toward your wrists and brace your core by pretending like someone was about to punch you for that shit you said about them that I dutifully relayed back to them because there’s nothing more amusing than other people’s beef.
3). Think of squeezing a walnut between your shoulder blades as you look down to the ground and begin bending your elbows and lowering your body toward the floor, with your arms at about a 45-degree angle from your body so your elbows are pointing at 4:30 and 7:30.3Don’t flare your elbows out too far. Doing so transfers stress to the shoulder joint. Don’t tuck your elbows too close to your body either. Doing so recruits more of the triceps than chest. Instead, use the described arrow formation.
4). Lower your body until your elbows are in line with your shoulders, which, unless you have massive titties, should result in your chest being about an inch or two from the ground.4NOTE: Not everyone has the shoulder or wrist mobility to allow for the nose, chin, or chest to touch the floor. Additionally, there are some women blessed with sweater meat whose glorious breasts make that impossible. But if you have healthy joints and bee sting tits, then go all the way down.
5). Pause.
6). Push through the butt of your palms back to the starting plank position, making sure that your body is in a straight line from your head to your heels so if a broomstick were placed on your back it would lay flat.5NOTE: To make the exercise more difficult, keep your fingers together and shift your body weight to the pinky side of your hands rather than having your fingers spread and pushing up with the meaty part of your palm.
7). Repeat.
If you’re an absolute newb who can’t complete a full push-up because you lack the upper body strength to because you’re a woman or are just an unbelievably weak excuse for a man, then here are some alternatives listed in order of increasing difficulty.
Tabletop Push-ups:
(1) Get on your hands and knees so your knees are bent and arms are fully extended.
(2) With your back and arms straight, shoulders over your wrists, and hips over your knees, squeeze your glutes and brace your core.
(3) Bend your elbows and lower your upper body to the ground.
(4) When your nose almost touches the floor, pause.
(5) Push your body back to the starting position.
Wall Push-ups:
(1) Stand about an arm’s length away from a wall with your feet shoulder-width apart.
(2) Place your palms on the wall so your arms are shoulder height and shoulder-width apart.
(3) Squeeze your glutes, brace your core, and bend your elbows to lean your upper body toward the wall as your feet remain flat on the ground.
(4) When your nose almost touches the wall, pause.
(5) Push your body back to the starting position.
Incline Push-Ups:
(1) Place your hands shoulder-width apart on the edge of a box, chair, bench, step, or other elevated surface and step back until your legs are fully extended behind you so your body forms a straight line from head to toe.6The more elevated the surface, the easier the movement will be. Conversely, the lower the surface, the higher the degree of difficulty. Remaining on the subject of increasing difficulty, pushing up from a medicine ball, BOSU ball, Swiss ball, or suspension trainer makes the body have to stabilize itself, making the exercise harder than when performed from a stable surface.
(2) With your legs together and arms straight, squeeze your glutes, brace your core, and bend your elbows to lean your chest toward the platform.
(3) Pause.
(4) Push your body back to the starting position.
Kneeling Push-ups:
The same instructions apply for a standard push-up, the only difference being that you’ll execute the movement with your knees remaining on the ground with your (1) shins flat on the floor or (2) knees bent so your lower leg and feet are suspended in the air.
Push-ups are a common exercise that everyone knows how to do, or at least everyone thinks they do if the attempts at many a gym or in many a social media video are any indication.
While humping the air makes good practice for the bedroom, having your push-ups resemble sexual acts that you don’t engage in does little, if anything, for the pecs, delts, triceps, and other muscles that are supposed to be working during the exercise.
Yeah, push-ups work all of those muscles and more, which is why it should be of utmost importance to do them correctly. Well, now you can with the step-by-step instructions and cues you were just provided!
Who knows, maybe you’ll even get to the point where your body will be chiseled enough to help you actually engage in those sexual acts that your push-ups once resembled but you were never able to participate in because you weren’t much to look at and had zero personality to make up for it.
Ahhhhhhhhh, there’s always hope!
For a workout routine that possibly includes push-ups, as well as other exercises geared specifically to your goals, training experience, injury history, and available equipment, then find out more HERE
Glossary: arms, bench, chest, exercise, glutes, goal, gym, muscle, plank, routine
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