Why Bodybuilders Are Weak Compared To Mighty You
Did you know that you have no reason to work out, especially with weights?
As it turns out, there’s no need to get stronger than you already are because not only are you already strong but you’re SKRONG!!!1See the improper spelling, capitalization, and three exclamation marks? On top of that, notice how the word is bolded for even more emphasis? Now that’s serious strength!
Yes, you read that right.
According to tests conducted at Manchester Metropolitan University, bodybuilders are weak.2Finally, an answer to the age old question of, “Are bodybuilders strong?” We can all sleep a little more comfortably now that there’s closure to this most pressing of issues!
In fact, they’re so weak that all the wimps of the world should rejoice.
Yes, there’s hope after all for you underdogs out there!
What’s to be ecstatic about?
Nothing but the finding that a gram of muscle belonging to someone who doesn’t weight train is more powerful than a gram of muscle belonging to that meathead doofus who punked you out in front of your girl by deliberately bumping into you.
Memory a little hazy?
Allow me to refresh it!
After walking right into you like you didn’t even exist, you did nothing in return to the Abobo reject’s alpha move. Well, nothing but let out your beta for all the world to see, including your girl who soon afterwards dumped your wimpy ass and hooked up with him.3Abobo was a more hulking figure in the original Double Dragon video game. Maybe its developers received too many complaints of gamers getting intimidated by him so they toned down his look. That’s the only explanation I have for the updated version of him shown in that wiki link about the Double Dragon series.
Anywayyyy…
In a study composed of 12 bodybuilders, 6 “power athletes” (e.g. sprinters), and 14 physically active dudes who had no idea where their local weight room was, the science-doers at one of the world’s premier schools of sciencing discovered that the muscles of the untrained regular Joes (yeah, those puny things) were able to generate more force than the muscles of the people a certain gym chain created the lunk alarm for.4*cough*Planet Fitness*cough*
The puny outmuscling the not so puny isn’t just biblical or Hollywood bullshit!
People with big muscles are expected to be strong, and some of the people with the biggest muscles are bodybuilders. So how strong are bodybuilders?
Well, we now have an answer!
Those motherfuckers are weak!!!
So you there, stop crying!
Yeah, you!!!
Stop crying into that tub of ice cream over the tragic loss of your one true love to someone you thought was stronger than you.5But really, what are you so devastated about? I could’ve sworn that Chris Brown told you “these hoes ain’t loyal”. You being in such emotional turmoil right now suggests that you failed to heed his warning. If this isn’t a perfect example of why people should listen when scholars speak, then I don’t know what is! Instead, take solace in this newfound knowledge that you can use when some big galoot tries to underestimate you again in front of the next broad who’s stupid lucky enough to date you.
And what exactly is it that you’re doing the next time you’re getting your manhood snatched by some bench press monkey with your lady at your side?!
Why, what you’re doing is remembering that you’re gram-for-gram stronger as you promptly defend your honor!
…and not only still end up crying into a tub of ice cream over the tragic loss of your latest one true love but also get your face bashed in because, well, there’s the teensy-weensy fact that although the individual muscles of Schwarzenegger wannabes are weak, their abundance of muscle mass compensates for the puniness of each gram.
So you might wanna get to the gym after all!
Glossary: bench press, bodybuilder, gym, muscle, weight room, work out