That’s right, the trope involving the legs of cartoon characters spinning when they’re running!!!
Well, you better look like that when you see any workout program that’s advertised as fun or easy.
Sometimes the person hawking the fun and easy workout looks like garbage, which begs the question of how great the program is if they’re what the end product looks like. More often than not though, the person doing the pitching is in the kind of shape you’re envious of, something that you think is a result of the program that they sure as fuck don’t use and isn’t why they have the body you want.
Yeah, you better run far, far away!
Working out doesn’t have to be a life-and-death struggle to be effective but it isn’t supposed to be comfortable, which is what you want and makes you gullible enough to fall for all the bullshit you fall for.
When someone lets you borrow money, you should return it with the same speed it was given to you.
This applies in other areas of life, too.
Like what?
Ummmmmmm…like not taking your sweet time in returning pieces of exercise equipment that you’re not using but your coach would like to use, items that your coach loaned you because he found out right as quarantine was about to happen that you didn’t have that much shit at home so he lent you his so you could continue working out while the gyms were closed, which meant that he wasn’t going to be able to work out during that time!!!
Yes, that coach is me!
And yes, I’m not only virtue signalling by announcing what I did when there’s no need to publicize my act of charity but I’m also, most importantly, showing why being charitable sucks!
A number of weeks ago I got into a tiff with someone who was of the belief that “eating ANYTHING at midnight is not healthy”, which was written as a comment to an image posted by someone that featured healthy midnight snacks, some of which included low fat cottage cheese and eggs.
The young woman I was at loggerheads with was of the opinion that the body magically stops metabolizing calories the same way it has earlier in the day once the clock strikes a certain time and anything eaten past that time is automatically stored as fat.
That was news to me because I had yet to see that in the scientific literature, so I pressed her for the proof to support her claims. She refused to provide any, only suggesting that I “ask any nutritionist or doctor”. In other words, it was my job to do her job of finding the evidence to substantiate the claim she made. When something like that happens in an argument, folks, that’s a clear red flag that the person doesn’t have the hard proof and is operating on anecdotal, not empirical, data, which renders their argument moot.
And a truly moot argument hers was because research shows the opposite of what she contends, as there’s no issue with eating late at night from a metabolic standpoint. A calorie is a calorie at midnight the same way it’s a calorie at noon. The reason you may not want to eat so late has to do with digestion and possible discomfort, which is a matter of personal tolerance and thus throws out the need for a blanket rule against it.
So why am I telling you this?
Because I was wrong.
It seldom happens, but when it does I’m not afraid to own up to it.
Now, as I was getting ready to print out our exchange to eventually have it professionally framed so I can add it to my collection because I’m just that petty, I saw something on my phone that proved her right.
A new study hot off the presses flies in the face of accepted thinking that what leads to weight gain is eating beyond your daily calories, not what time of day you eat, as the study finds that eating before bed delays fat burning.
Sure, there were only six participants involved in the study and no one in their right mind would consider that a large enough sample size to extrapolate on the entire population. And sure, all of the participants were aged 50 years or above, making them individuals with already slowed down metabolisms. And sure, the six 50-plus year old participants also belong to a group at risk for metabolic conditions, something that makes the sample less representative of the population at large.
While all of that is true and I appreciate you trying to make excuses for me, I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong, as is clearly the case here!
A lot of people are stuck at home all day because there’s a fucking pandemic going on.
As a so-called “fitfluencer”, now’s a perfect time to show your followers how to get an effective workout with whatever’s around and avoid the trap of eating mindlessly just because food’s around the house.
Yeah, now’s a perfect time to do that instead of, I don’t know, eating like a pig, no longer working out, and telling your followers that it’s alright to follow suit because they don’t need any more stress in their lives having to deal with the current uncertainty.
As a so-called “fitfluencer”, throwing your hands in the air and having your followers do likewise just doesn’t make sense.
Hmmmmmmmm…
*the light bulb goes on in my head*
Wait, doing that doesn’t make sense until you realize that it makes all the sense in the world because now’s a perfect time to set things up to get yourself fat and out of shape so you can have an epic before and after quarantine transformation, a change you’ll say is owed to a magical diet and exercise program you created, which you’ll sell to your followers with promises of it helping to lose the weight you helped them gain when you told them it was alright to stop giving a fuck and put their goals on hold.
Louis Vuitton is getting into the fitness game, with the luxury brand’s first entry being a pair of 6 lbs dumbbells at a retail price of $2,720.
I know your first reaction is to scoff at that because, you know, you’re broke and your natural broke tendencies are overriding your thinking faculties.
Sure, you should normally expect to pay anywhere in the ballpark of $1.50 to $2.00 per pound of weight for dumbbells.
However, we’re not living in normal times!!!
As a result of the coronavirus pandemic forcing the closure of gyms across the land, regular gym-goers have had to scramble to set up home gyms, making workout equipment a sizzling hot commodity.
Well, you don’t need to be Alfred Marshall to understand what that means!
Yup, driven by supply and demand (and outright greed), sellers on Ebay, Craigslist, and elsewhere are charging exorbitant sums for weights.
In fact, those profiteers are charging such ridiculous markups for fitness equipment that when you do the math, $2,720 for a pair of 6 lbs Louis Vuitton dumbbells that aren’t going to do shit for your body is actually a bargain!
