Category: ETC.

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Mission: Impossible 2

Mission: Impossible 2

My client is on another trip this week.

This time it’s not a work-related trip but a family vacation, which might as well be work-related considering all the work that goes into putting up with every family member’s bullshit!

Anyway, after numerous poor scale readings following trips, today’s check-in was a success just like last week’s.

How was she able to do this while on vacation?

The exact same way she did when she went out of town for work the week prior.

Yup, by packing food to bring with her that she knows the calorie content of and not going on vacation from the habits that have proved successful at home, such as being aware of everything that goes inside her mouth.

She was so on her game that she even texted me about how to account for the macros in a glass of wine, with me telling her that alcohol can count as either a carb or fat, as well as how she could go about doing the math.

And the end result of all that was weight loss even on a trip.

Look at her continuing to do the impossible!

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Monster Longe
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Today I Found Out

Today I Found Out

After months of work trips and disappointing scale readings the following week, one of my clients found out today that it is indeed possible to travel and still lose weight without gym access and less than stellar food choices.

All she had to do was pack a jump rope and some items from her meal plan. Beyond that, she had to actually make use of the jump rope for the minutes she was prescribed and only order shit at restaurants that fit into the remaining calories she had to play with.

And what happened as a result?

This morning she reported a lower number on the scale after a few days away from home and conditions that weren’t ideal.

Yeah, I know, talk about doing the unbelievable!

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A Baffling Turn Of Events

A Baffling Turn Of Events

So Brittany Dawn is the most recent online coach busted for scamming people.

It’s been days since she was busted and I’m still baffled at how she wasn’t a competent coach and why there wasn’t some way for us to have known that sooner.

Not that physical appearance is a barometer of one’s knowledge or ability to train someone else, but it sure would’ve helped a bunch if she looked like she’s never worked out worth a damn, which could’ve been given away by a total lack of muscle development so she looked E-X-A-C-T-L-Y like the type of person who goes to the gym for the express purpose of taking pics and videos of themselves working out without actually working out.

Too bad she didn’t look anything like that.

So yeah, her being outed as a fraud who doesn’t know shit is baffling indeed!

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Confessions Of A Gym Creeper

Confessions Of A Gym Creeper written in text with image of a man's face surrounded in darkness.

Confessions Of A Gym Creeper

Confessions Of A Gym Creeper written in text with image of a man's face surrounded in darkness.

The weight room can be an intimidating place for you, a woman. What, with it being a sausage party and all!

It’s probably because the men are exactly where they belong and you, a woman, are not exactly where you belong. Rather than staying in the cardio area where we alllllllllllll know a woman’s place is, you’re here in the weight room deciding to do something as utterly complicated as picking up weights and putting them back down.

Maybe you’re a feminist with the silly — SILLY!!! — notion that you can do whatever a man can do, even when it comes to lifting weights, let alone running a country and driving a car.

Ha!

Or maybe you haven’t heard that weights make women look manly, nor have you seen the ample evidence of such all over social media. Yuck to the oodles of fit broads who happen to be the only people I follow and try to slide in the DMs of to see if I can slide into something else!1*wink, wink*

Yuck, I tell ya!!!

Whatever your fucking deal is, here you are in the weight room.

More often than not (like all the fucking time), you’ll be able to work out without incident. You know, without guys jerking off behind you because you’re soooooooooooo hot that how could guys NOT jerk off behind you. Every now and then though, not so much.

There are times when you’ll have a creeper.

And that creepy gym creeper creeping on you?

Yeah, the one as you squat provocatively in attire suited for the strip club?

That would be me. Continue reading Confessions Of A Gym Creeper

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¡Arriba, Arriba! ¡Ándale, Ándale!

¡Arriba, Arriba! ¡Ándale, Ándale!

I was looking at an older woman at the gym today, and while it’s great that she’s a regular, this thought popped up in my head.

I don’t know how old you are, but now’s the time to lose weight, get fit, whatever you want to call it.

N-O-W!!!

Why?

Because as you get older, your metabolism slows down and the rate of protein synthesis declines, making it much, much harder to burn fat and build muscle. That’s why NOW is the time to start, to lay the foundation for your later years.

N-O-W!!!

That means “ahora”, motherfucker!

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