You’ve been polluted by society with all the sex, violence, and other wickedness in the world that has led you astray from the path of righteousness. So if there’s anything to worry about cleansing, it’s yourself from sin so you don’t burn in eternal hell fire, heathen!
As for the other type of cleansing from the other way you’ve been polluted by society? Continue reading Skip The Juice Cleanse
Okay, let me see if I’m getting this straight…
You’re an evil-doer whose heroic adversary has been captured by their henchmen and instead of immediately shooting them with a gun or bashing them in the head with a tire iron, you now have to do the classic bad guy thing of dragging shit out to dispose of them in an overly dramatic fashion.
That’s the situation you find yourself in, huh?
Well, you can try staples like burying them alive and strapping them to a rocket or table-saw conveyor belt but can I interest you in boiling them alive in a vat of hot oil?
Very similar to an acid pool but without the risk of producing noxious fumes that make the air so poisonous to breathe that your archenemy would die before even getting thrown in and having their flesh melted off, hot oil is a much more practical choice for inflicting a slow and painful demise.
I know, your curiosity is piqued!
However, as intrigued as you are by the idea that’s now up for your consideration, it’s going to take a lot of oil to pull it off and that has you not fully committed because of the thought of all the scrambled eggs, French toast, pancakes, doughnuts, onion rings, chicken strips, tater tots, seared steak, and other delicious fried food the gallons of oil could be used to make instead of getting used to dispatch with your foe in an elaborate and completely unnecessary way.
Seeing that your love of fried food is strong enough to interfere with your ability to show off how cartoonishly evil you are by making your enemy’s death as devious and over the top as possible, it appears this is where I have to tell you that shouldn’t be the case because fried food isn’t exactly the best thing to be eaten that much.
Scared to whip it out in public, huh?
Those indecent exposure charges on your record suggest otherwise in relation to your genitals and your willingness to reveal them for general view. That same comfort, however, doesn’t seem to exist when it comes to bringing a food scale with you to places and being seen pulling it out for use. It’s only then that you have fear of people casting judgement on you for being some sort of weirdo.
So what’s the issue there?, you ask. Continue reading Use Common Objects To Estimate Portion Sizes
Awwww…
Unrequited love can be bitter and painful, so I feel sad for you.1I wouldn’t know from personal experience because I’m a player but that’s what I’ve heard about it!
Despite all the warm smiles, batting of the eyes, lighthearted compliments, playful teasing, and subtle touching, your crush isn’t picking up on your obvious flirtation with them. The only possible explanation has to be that they’re either slow at grasping things, like social cues, or are putting on an act because they respect the sanctity of your relationship more than you do and aren’t as willing to cheat on their significant other as you readily are if they’re involved with someone.
Whatever the case, they’re being dense.
Know what else is dense?
You for not considering the strong possibility that your crush may very well not be reciprocating because they’re just not physically into you at your current weight and are holding out hope for you to lose some of it before returning your feelings?
My, that certainly is a good guess but it’s not what I was going for, though it displays a level of self-awareness I was beginning to doubt that you had!
Instead, the answer I had in mind was muscle. Continue reading Measure Progress With Clothes
COVID-19 and the lockdowns associated with it caused a sharp rise in the amount of time spent at home. While the pandemic is over and life has returned to “normal”, the change in time spent at home has only dropped slightly from its apex in 2020.1Yes, it’s true that things feel different since COVID, like the timeline shifted to an alternate reality or the simulation we’re in is glitching. I can’t place my finger on it either but you are indeed correct that shit doesn’t feel normal.
According to the data, people are still remaining at home for large periods of the day and it’s part of a trend that started long before COVID, as there’s been a steady decline in out-of-home socializing, shopping, entertainment, and travel since 2003.
None of this applies to you, though.
At a time when people are becoming homebodies, you’re one of those people who’s always out and about.
Whether after work or on your off days, you’re hardly ever home and are instead engaging in some activity that keeps you out of the house, such as visiting the local library, volunteering for a cause, going to a community event, taking a class or workshop, attending a book club meeting, exploring new places around town, etc.
Well, if my home were also infested with rats and roaches, I’d likewise do anything that a normal person wouldn’t do for leisure as an excuse to spend as much time away from home as possible too!
But here’s the thing… Continue reading Bring Food With You
