Are Smoothies Healthy For You?

Are smoothies healthy for you?

Yeah, I know it’s a stupid question. Eating fruits is good, so in what Bizarro world would drinking them be a bad thing?!

This Bizarro world is where!¹Bizarro World is a fictional cube-shaped planet in DC Comics where everything is the opposite. The funny thing is that even in that world, Warner Bros. still wouldn’t be able to make a good DC Comics Extended Universe movie outside of Batman. Oh yeah, and you still wouldn’t be considered cool in it either!

Now, how can drinking fruit be bad?

Ummmmmm…by buying or making your smoothie with a combo of ingredients that turn your drink into nothing more than a high calorie sugar bomb that floods the body with more sugar and calories than it can absorb and use for energy, with it then storing the excess as fat.

That’s how!!!

As an example, a 12-ounce can of Coke contains 39 grams of sugar. It’s not uncommon for the sugar content of store-bought and homemade smoothies to match or exceed that amount. The same goes with calories. Depending on the ingredients and amounts, smoothies can contain more calories than fast food meals. For someone who’s trying to avoid weight gain, or lose it, or not have the increased risk of having a lower limb amputated with the development of diabetes, one or both are causes for concern.

Before you hate your life any more than you already do, you’ll be glad to hear that you don’t have to give up smoothies. You just need to keep several things in mind when you hit up your favorite smoothie shop or blend your own.²Oh, and I’m by no means a psychologist, but you might want to question your life if no longer being able to drink smoothies is enough to want to end it. Again, I’m not a psychologist, so my advice about reexamining your life does not, and is not intended to, substitute for that of a mental health professional or other qualified health provider. There, now you can’t sue me!!!

 

CARBS

The more fruit the better, right?

Right?!

Well, before throwing a whole year’s harvest into your blender, be aware that’s a lot more produce than you’d eat in one sitting, amounting to a shitload more calories. And that’s not even including other carbs in the mix, like oats. Instead, limit the total amount of carbs to 1 cup!

HEALTHY FATS

Bump up the fiber content with 1/4 avocado or 1 to 2 tablespoons of natural nut butters to help you feel fuller and not so hungry two seconds after chugging down a smoothie, which is a common experience with them.³That’s nut butter as in butter made from peanuts, almonds, and actual nuts — not butter from the nuts your juvenile mind was thinking of! Geeze, how old are you people?!?!

The exact reason why drinking produce isn’t as filling as eating it isn’t fully known. One popular theory suggests that the act of blending pulverizes insoluble fiber, which reduces its ability to bind with soluble fiber to form a gel in the gut that lends to the feeling of fullness. That has yet to be backed by research, though. Another plausible idea is that drinking food rather than eating it doesn’t allow the brain time to receive signals from the hunger hormones that you’re full, which chewing would normally afford for.

VEGGIES

Veggies are loaded with vitamins, minerals, phytonutrients, and fiber. And depending on the veggie, they’re also low in sugars and calories. This makes a handful of spinach, kale, tomatoes, and others great for adding to smoothies to make them more of a balanced meal. By doing so, you can help increase your daily intake of vegetables, which more than likely falls below the recommended 3-5 servings a day.

Now, before you go “yuck”, not only will veggies provide your smoothie with more body but it’ll be virtually impossible to detect their flavor given the greater proportion of fruit and other ingredients!

PROTEIN

To feel fuller even longer, add at least 20 to 30 grams of protein from plain Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, silken tofu, kefir, or a neutral flavor protein powder. Yeah, a bunch of bland shit!⁴If your tastebuds are that shot that the fruit doesn’t provide enough flavor for your liking, then vanilla extract or unsweetened cocoa powder can add some oomph without the added sugar. Or, hear me out, just don’t blend your smoothie with ice, which helps dilute the flavor because ice…is…water.

SEEDS

For extra vitamins, fiber, healthy fats, protein, and omega-3 fatty acids that do a bunch of stuff I’m not about to delve into here but you should take me at my word that they’re good for you, add 1 to 2 tablespoons of chia, flax, or hemp seeds.⁵Fuck, since you insist, omega-3 fatty acids can fight inflammation, reduce liver fat, and improve risk factors for heart disease. Now, for the love of everything holy, will you please let it go?!?!

 

INGREDIENTS TO AVOID:

 

 

Some things don’t live up to their reputation.

Other things do.⁶Like you being a disappointment in bed, a fact confirmed by your handful of sexual partners who had a hard time believing someone could be that bad in bed until they had sex with you and found out that your reputation as a lousy lay is well earned.

Upon reading this article, you now know where fruit smoothies stand and whether or not they live up to their healthy reputation.

For the most part, they don’t. But with a few additions and subtractions, they’re more than capable of being more than a glorified milkshake.

Glossary: calories, fat, hormones

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