adj [fat]
1. having a large amount of excess adipose, something that’s a sign of wealth and prosperity in a culture and time in history you’re shit outta luck of having the pleasure of living in. see also: ANACHRONISTIC
noun [fat]
2. short for body fat; the less nerdy name for the adipose tissue you have waaaaaayyyyyyyyy more of in abundance than lean muscle tissue.
You really put in that work, huh?
Yeah, you really lay it down in the bedroom!
Look at that…
By “put in that work”, you knew I obviously wasn’t talking about your job because we both know you don’t have one!
Anyway, how good of a workout are you getting on those rarer and rarer occasions that you can actually get hard or wet enough to go to work?
Well, let’s take a look at the numbers!1NOTE: The following numbers will vary from session to session and person to person because of a combination of factors that include weight, intensity, position, and body movements. Continue reading Calories Burned During Sex
Why on earth would you ever eat fucking oatmeal?!?!, you ask incredulously.
Good question!
Oatmeal = 🤮
But here’s the thing… Continue reading Oatmeal Nutrition Facts
Do booty bands work?
Yes, those mini resistance bands you’ve seen fitfluencers with ginormous asses doing soft-core porn workouts with all over social media!
Yes, that piece of exercise equipment those fitfluencers with ginormous asses credit their ginormous asses with and not, perhaps, their surgeon or excessively tight leggings made with the same suspension technology used to hold up bridges!
Now that any possible confusion is cleared up and we know exactly what’s being discussed here, do those rubber band looking thingies work? Continue reading The Effectiveness Of Booty Bands
Working out isn’t as much fun as it looks in commercials trying to sell me gym memberships and fitness products.
– You, because you’re gullible
If you find working out boring, you may be tempted to want to blow your brains out all over the gym mirror walls.
…or, maybe, just stop going to the gym to work out because you don’t want to do us all a favor.1Yeah, you could stop working out first before resorting to more drastic measures that we’d all be appreciative of, but that’s only if you’re inconsiderate.
Trust me, I get it.
Every moment of your life is like a scene from an action movie.
So to go from jumping out of helicopters to doing jump squats would make me want to blow out my brains, too!
Well, to make working out more exciting for you, I could tell you to
• change your workout routine
• perform different exercise variations
• try circuit training
• switch to another form of activity
• join a group fitness class
• follow fitness accounts for ideas
• use fitness apps
• join an online fitness challenge
• set a reward
• hire a personal trainer2Preferably me!
• train for an event or competition
• work out somewhere else
• do cocaine
But instead of running down a bullet point list of things you can do to liven up your workout like this guide is supposed to, I’m not gonna tell you shit!
