Category: Glossary

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Anabolic

anabolic

adj [an·uh·bol·ik]
anything that promotes muscle growth; from the Greek word anabole, which means “to build up”, something your parents, neighbors, teachers, religious leaders, and countless other adults never did in terms of making you feel confident and capable during your formative years and totally explains why you turned out the way you did. see also: MYSTERY SOLVED

Example of Anabolic in a Sentence
Lifting heavy weights helps prompt the anabolic process of muscle building. Know what else also has the same effect but with a little less effort involved? Yup, STEROIDS!!! Hmmmm…guess which route I’m taking, buddy?!

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Vitamin

vitamin

noun [vahy·tuh·min]
1. any of a group of essential nutrients made by plants and animals and are obtained by eating them, as we deserve to do because we’re on the top of the food chain.

2. yet another term for an anabolic steroid because you can never have enough code words to talk about something illegal just in case the feds are listening to your insignificant conversation because there isn’t enough public corruption, money laundering, or foreign or domestic terrorism going on to warrant more of their serious attention.

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Abduction

abduction

noun [ab·duhk·shuhn]
movement of a limb away from the midline of the body — not to be confused with what happens when you get tired of noticing how easily people in the gym hook up and aren’t too discerning about who they leave with except for you and then resort to waiting in the parking lot to force an unsuspecting target to get into your car and go home with you because no exercise has yet to be created that’ll improve your face or personality enough to prompt them to agree to go with you as willingly as they would with anybody else.

Example of Abduction in a Sentence
I’m just a stupid client who doesn’t know shit about fitness and hired you to be my personal trainer based 100% on your Instagram photos and not on your level of knowledge so I’m not trying to say that you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about but you’re wrong about what you just said about the shoulders going into external rotation when you do a dumbbell lateral raise and move your arms away from your body. You actually go into shoulder abduction!

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