Category: Glossary

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Cheat

cheat

verb [cheet]
1. to make an exercise easier than it should be by violently contorting the body in all kinds of fucked up ways as a means of moving a far too heavy load, all because the object is to move the weight from point A to B as many times as possible, not to…ummmm…work the muscle. see also: MARRIAGE

2. to eat something, usually garbage, that isn’t on your meal plan or part of your diet because eating what you’re supposed to eat when trying to lose weight doesn’t make as much sense as eating the shit that’s responsible for your weight gain in the first place. see also: EVERY DAY PAST 5 PM

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December

December

noun [dih·sem·ber]
the twelfth and final month of the year in the Julian and Gregorian calendars, making it the most perfect time to start working on the goals that were set out for the year but were held off the previous eleven months it would have taken to complete them. see also: FUCKED

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Rest Day

rest day

noun [rest dey]
a day on which one doesn’t work out but instead spends the day’s entirety thinking about working out and not knowing what to do with themselves because the gym is life and outside of it they don’t have one. see also: LOSER

Example of Rest Day in a Sentence
My coach programmed a rest day for me today so rather than going to the gym like I really, really want to, I think I’m just going to lie in my own filth in bed all day watching Blood & Guts, The Unbelievable, and other vintage bodybuilding training videos to help me imagine myself being in the gym working out with waaaaayyyyyyy less weight!

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Program

program

noun [proh·gram]
1. a plan with prescribed exercises and training variables to meet individual health and fitness goals; usually put together by a competent coach or trainer but you feel the need to mix and match and change other particulars of like you know better than the person who constructed it and just so happens to make health and fitness their profession while you simply possess a passing knowledge of the stuff, if any at all.

verb [proh·gram]
2. to put together a sequence of exercises by copying one from a more established coach and passing it off as your own creation, if not just slapping a bunch of arbitrary movements together and prescribing them all for 20 reps. see also: CTRL+C, CTRL+V

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