Category: Bad Advice

What’s The Best Protein To Eat?

Q: What’s the best protein to eat? That’s it, that’s my question. I’m not going to state whether I want to know what’s the best protein to eat to lose weight, or to build muscle, or for after a workout, or for breakfast, or before bed, or blah blah blah. Absolutely none of that! I’m going to leave it to your imagination to figure out exactly what I want to know.

A: First and foremost, allow me to express my gratitude to you for being vague and not doing me any favors so I can better know how to serve you. You’ve essentially made my job that much harder, and for that you deserve the laurels I’m now heaping on you.

Expressing gratitude is the en vogue thing to do nowadays, so with me jumping on the bandwagon and getting that out of the way, let us now proceed.

*ahem*

I don’t feel like having to expend that much energy to come up with an imaginative response, so I’m just going to speak in general terms. For the most part, protein is protein. As such, as long as the total protein count of everything you eat meets your daily needs, you can eat whatever the fuck you want, regardless of your goal.

That’s what I’d tell you just to brush you off, but if I really wanted to put some effort into a reply, then I might say something different. Continue reading What’s The Best Protein To Eat?

How Often Do You Eat Out?

Q: Do you eat out? And if you do, how often? Yeah, I got straight to the point of my question without beating around the bush like these other motherfuckers do when they preface with ancillary shit that you don’t give a fuck about and more than likely skip past and don’t even read, just like how you’re not reading this right now because you stopped reading once I asked my fucking question. But here I am still typing away…

A: Do I eat out?!?!

My, that’s a rather personal question!

All I’ll say to that is…

…have you seen these lips? These lips were made for eating out!!!

Now, in the interest of steering this inquiry away from my oral sex habits and towards the realm of fitness and nutrition, as all questions should be limited to, I’m going to pretend that your question is in regards to restaurant food and whether or not I eat it regularly.

The answer to that is no!

Food away from home (i.e. restaurant and fast food shit) is often the biggest contributor to a lot of people’s weight gain because it’s generally high in calories, sodium, sugar, and fat, of which the portion sizes are humongous.

So how do I avoid the trap of having to eat that shit when I’m out? Continue reading How Often Do You Eat Out?

What Muscle Groups To Train Together?

Q: I have a totally random question that’s not totally random because it is in fact related to fitness. Here it is… Can I train my arms and legs on the same day or should I hit them separately? Lols. Fuck, I didn’t say anything funny so I don’t know why I just typed “lols”. Even worse, I don’t know why I pluralized the shit when there’s no such thing as “laughing out louds”. Anyway, thanks! Lols. Argggghhh, I JUST DID IT AGAIN!!!

A: Look here, toots. You can do anything you want. There are no rules, laws, or regulations governing how someone HAS to work out. You doing anything you want may not exactly be the most effective thing to do, though.

The muscle groups making up the legs require a bit more effort to grow than the upper body. So a good leg training session should leave you a bit too mentally and/or physically drained to then turn your attention to doing arms (or any other body part, which is also why I recommend most people to split their leg day into two separate days, with one for quads and the other for glutes and hams).

But what if you want to train your arms before legs? Continue reading What Muscle Groups To Train Together?

How Do I Hire A Personal Trainer?

Q: I’ve been following you on social media for a while and would love for you to be my personal trainer. But unfortunately, you probably live far, far away from me. There’s, like, nooooooooo way I can get in shape with me here and you allllllllllllllllllll theeeeeeeeee waaaaaaaayyyyyy over there, wherever there is. So if I’m here and you’re there, how do I hire you to get me into shape? It sure as hell doesn’t look like there’s a way. Drats! So instead, how do I hire a personal trainer near me who I don’t know as much about?

A: I live in San Diego, as it says on every post on my feed, as well as in numerous places on the site. For the geographically challenged, San Diego is a city in California, a state in the United States of America, which is a country in the Western Hemisphere of this planet I hope you know the name of.

Live elsewhere? Continue reading How Do I Hire A Personal Trainer?

What Are Some Exercises To Shrink The Waistline?

Q: I’ve seen a video of you working out with your muscles all big and bulging and you glistening in sweat. Maybe upon the 100th time of my viewing it, I was suddenly interrupted by your waist as I was…ummmmmmm…taking care of business. I noticed that it’s very, very tiny. What are some exercises to shrink the waistline? Thanks! Oh, and post more workout videos on Instagram. They make for very good…ummmmmmm…instructional material. Yeah, that’s it, instructional material!

A: Thanks for finding me worthy masturbatory material, which is what the fuck you’re getting at but are too ladylike to say — even though you and I, and him, and that guy over there, and every player on the football team from your high school and college days all know you’re not a fucking lady!!!

Now, as for how to get your waist smaller. You’ll be happy to know that I’ve spent countless days and hours compiling a list of exercises that’ll help you lose inches off your tummy.

Interested? Continue reading What Are Some Exercises To Shrink The Waistline?