How To Eat Healthy On Father’s Day

I’m expected to provide you with tips on how to eat healthy on Father’s Day, but what’s the point?

If we’re being real here, this society doesn’t value dads as much as it does mothers. Just look at sitcoms, a perfect microcosm of the way fatherhood is viewed.

Well, what do you see?

Yeah, fathers are portrayed as lazy, bumbling buffoons.¹Care to guess why? Women watch more TV than men, so they’re the target demographic for a lot of shows, which are written to appeal to them. That’s why media representations of moms and dads are generally the way they are, with mothers praised and fathers nothing but comic fodder. Now, isn’t that odd? Women watch more TV than men, which means they’re home more, which means they’re not working as much. But it’s the men who are portrayed as the lazy ones, with that representation accepted as true in some circles?!?! Sorry, but it’s not, as the evidence suggests that “among married couples living together with kids, it’s dads who do more work in total—adding up paid work, housework, child care, and even shopping.”

So as you look forward to this special Father’s Day, what is there really to look forward to?

Like, after you receive your crappy tie or crappy socks or crappy coffee mug and even crappier Father’s Day card that was chosen from a limited selection because card companies don’t give a fuck about fathers either, there’s nothing more. Your day is pretty much over. No one’s going to go out of their way to do shit else for you, like cook you a big meal, take you out to a fancy restaurant, or surprise you with decadent baked goods. What, you think you’re a mother?!?!

With no big meal or treats to get you off track on this very not so special day, there’s no need for me to impart you with tips to help you handle Father’s Day in a way that won’t negatively impact the work of your regular diet and exercise.

Now, while no tips specific to enjoying Father’s Day food can be offered here because no one gives a fuck about fathers, there is some advice that can be given to dads who aren’t maintaining themselves like you are.

And that advice is…?

Well, if you’re a man whose body has changed since the birth of their kid(s), then on this Father’s Day, I think it’s important for me to tell you that you should do something about that dad bod. Oh, for reasons such as longevity so you get to see your children grow up and have their own?, you ask.

Ha, fuck outta here!!!

No, you should remember that 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation. So it’s best that you do something about that dad bod for when your wife takes your house and kids and you’re back on the dating market.

Because, you know, some poor chick will eventually have to see you with your shirt off after years of letting yourself go!

*yuck*

Food is how we express love. If, for some strange reason, you’re under the delusion that your family is going to do something special for you that’s food related, then you might need some holiday eating tips after all, but I doubt it!!!

Glossary: diet, exercise

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer in San Diego. He has been lifting weights for +25 years and training clients in the gym and online for about half of that time. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys long walks and leaving buildings crushed and entire city blocks decimated in his wake.

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