How Do You Clean Up After Yourself At The Gym?

Q: People have been complaining about me at the gym. Apparently, there’s some kind of policy that you have to clean up after yourself and I haven’t. That shit is a totally alien concept to me, so what’s the proper procedure? Oh yeah, and can you also make sure I’m inconveniencing as many people as possible with whatever you suggest so I can comply while being passive-aggressive? Thanks!

A: So not only are you not cleaning up after yourself in the gym but it’s so bad that people had to rat you out to management, huh?

Helping to keep the gym clean is a common requirement of membership and there are several ways you may be running afoul of that. One is by not wiping stuff down when you’re done. How to comply with that while paying retribution to the snitches around you is easy.

At most gyms, there are self-service cleaning stations with paper towel dispensers and spray bottles of disinfectant in prominent locations. After finishing use of a machine or piece of equipment with a bench or headrest that others may have to lay their body on, what you should do is go to the cleaning station that’s the furthest away from you. Once there, tear off a paper towel from the dispenser and then take the spray bottle with you aaaaalllllll the waaaaaayyyyyyy to the other side of the gym so people have to twiddle their thumbs and go fuck themselves until you wipe down the equipment and bring the spray bottle back.

Yes, do that instead of, you know, just spraying the paper towel at the cleaning station and then walking back to wherever the fuck you came from or simply using the closest cleaning station so you can wipe things down faster for the next person if there’s already somebody waiting!

That’s how to clean up after yourself if you have to subject yourself to the indignity of doing so, which it appears you have to because you probably slum it at a public gym where cleanliness is a shared responsibility rather than attending a fancy facility where a staff member not only tidies up after you but also carries you from station to station on their back and has palm fronds to keep you cool at all times. That being the case that you’re apparently too broke for the type of gym that caters to your slovenliness, here’s some additional advice: STEP UP YOUR FINANCIAL GAME, PEASANT!!!

Now, does anyone else have a fitness or nutrition question of their own that they want to ask?

Glossary: fitness, gym, nutrition, gym membership

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer in San Diego. He has been lifting weights for +25 years and training clients in the gym and online for about half of that time. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys long walks and leaving buildings crushed and entire city blocks decimated in his wake.

How Do You Clean Up After Yourself At The Gym?

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