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A Show Of Hands

A Show Of Hands

How many of you have gained weight in the past few weeks with the quarantine shit that’s been going on?

Let me see a show of hands.

Wow, that many of you!

Alright, you can put your hands down.

Whoa, why are even more hands going up?!

Damn, you folks really let yourselves go!!!

Okay, since so many of you are looking to lose weight, here’s a quick tip to help you figure out how many calories you need to eat.

What you do is take your current weight and multiply by

•13 if you don’t exercise at all;

•15 if you exercise a few times per week; or

•18 if you work out five or more days.

Then subtract 500 from that number.

Presto!

What you now have is a ballpark figure of the amount of calories you have to eat to lose at least a pound per week. Because the total is just an approximation though, you may have to make some adjustments, as well as refer to some of the FREE resources here to help you along with other shit, like figuring out your macro ratios and what foods to eat.

Hold on, I know what you’re thinking…

Yeah, that’s a lot of advanced math. Who the fuck has time for that? And adjustments? Who the fuck has time for that?! And figuring out what to eat? Who the fuck has time for that?!?! If that’s the case, you could always just hire someone to calculate your exact calorie needs and design a meal plan for you.

Since I’m a coach and I’m the one writing this, that someone you may want to hire is ME!!!

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Monster Longe
Latest posts by Monster Longe (see all)

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Cardio Deck

cardio deck

noun [kahr·dee·oh dek]
area of the gym where the aerobic equipment is that you spend more time on than lifting weights because you’re simultaneously living in the 1960s while the rest of us are here in the 21st century and have the hindsight to know that people were pretty fucking stupid for thinking that’s how to get the body you want. see also: QUANTUM LEAP

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How To Eat Healthy On Memorial Day

How To Enjoy Memorial Day written in text with image of a woman smiling with an American flag in one hand and a hot dog in the other.

How To Eat Healthy On Memorial Day

How To Enjoy Memorial Day written in text with image of a woman smiling with an American flag in one hand and a hot dog in the other.

After months of patiently waiting and getting your body right in anticipation of it, it’s finally here: summer.

Well, at least the unofficial start of it with Memorial Day weekend.

And with Memorial Day weekend comes what?

Yup, an afternoon with friends and family at a picnic, barbecue, cookout, or pool party!

And what’s going to be at that picnic, barbecue, cookout, or pool party?

Yup, burgers, hot dogs, ribs, wings, potato salad, soda, beer, cupcakes, ice cream, and other Memorial Day goodies!

While there’s nothing like having a shindig to commemorate those who made the ultimate sacrifice as members of the United States armed forces in innumerable conflicts over the many years that some people are still blind enough to buy were fought to preserve democracy and not to expand global markets for corporate interests, you yourself have made sacrifices the past few weeks and months that now have you on edge about possibly fucking up your summer body before summer even begins.

So what are you to do? Continue reading How To Eat Healthy On Memorial Day

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Body Shaming And The Shame Of It All

The Shame Of Body Shaming written in text with image of a naked overweight woman lying on the ground with her face buried in her arms.

Body Shaming And The Shame Of It All

The Shame Of Body Shaming written in text with image of a naked overweight woman lying on the ground with her face buried in her arms.

By now, you should be familiar with fat shaming and the rise of the body acceptance movement to combat it. According to the body acceptance movement, society should accept all bodies rather than discriminate against people for not being a certain size.

Sounds good, right?

We should judge people on the content of their character and not on their double chin.

Those advocating for body acceptance sure are fighting a noble cause.

Okay, then what explains fit shaming?

Not as familiar with that as you are fat shaming?

Well, fit shaming is the act of putting people down for their decision to lose weight, work out, look in shape, etc.

Now that you’re familiar with the definition, what explains fit shaming when it’s done by those on the side of body acceptance?

I don’t know about you, but I love double standards.

Absolutely love ’em!!!

If you love them as much as I do, here’s one for you… Continue reading Body Shaming And The Shame Of It All

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AAS

AAS

abbr [ey·ey·es]
anabolic-androgenic steroids, also simply referred to as anabolic steroids or steroids; a class of synthetic drugs that mimic the male hormone testosterone in its ability to increase the growth of muscle tissue and are by no means available at all on the black market but only via prescription in accordance with the laws of the United States of America. see also: *WINK WINK*

Example of AAS in a Sentence
Sure, the guy you get your AAS from goes by “Doc” but I have a sneaky suspicion that Dr. Dre is closer to being a real doctor than he is!

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