noun [boo·tee bandz]
1. the only piece of equipment needed to build your glutes on some planet other than Earth in a far off galaxy in an alternate dimension. see also: NOPE
2. part of every fitness influencer’s exclusive home butt-building program that’s sold to followers who they have believing is the sole piece of equipment they used to build their glutes but wasn’t. see also: FAT TRANSFER
I have a client who I’ve been getting out of bed very, very early in the morning to go train for almost three years now. Yes, she’s been inconveniencing me for that long!
After about a month of reducing her calories to place her in a deficit to start preparing her for the warmer weather and the half-nakedness that goes along with it, our gym was shuttered like all other gyms in various locales across the country to slow the spread of COVID-19.
And what happened to my client?
…
Not a damn thing happened to my client!
In the two months since the gym’s closure, she’s still averaging a loss of 1 lb per week.
But not everyone has the self-government to work out when they’re supposed to or eat what they’re supposed to eat. Nor does everyone have a merciless trainer like me who doesn’t give a fuck about what’s going on in the world, let alone in your personal life during normal times.
Nope!!!
Instead of continuing on with what they were doing prior to the virus’s interruption of their lives, some people have thrown their hands in the air and let their best-laid plans go to rot, with them putting on the “quarantine 15“ because not having access to a gym somehow has something to do with the ability to control your hand and not put so much shit into your mouth (I was apparently absent the day that was covered in my physiology course during my undergrad)!
Since you’re clearly one of those people because I love casting you in a negative light, what are you to do now that the country is slowly phasing out of lockdown and various gathering places are on the cusp of reopening? Yes, that means you’ll eventually have to be seen in public again (unless, of course, you choose to live the remainder of your days as a recluse à la Howard Hughes)!
Should you beat yourself up about falling off the wagon?
As much as you’d like to do that, I’d much more prefer that you left the beating up of you up to me. After all, I’m pretty good at it!
No, what you should do is forget about the weight you’ve gained and just get right back to practicing the habits you were practicing before the virus’s outbreak, which was caused by 5G networks, Bill Gates, a Chinese laboratory, or whatever the latest batshit crazy conspiracy theory is.
It’s really that simple.
Who’s the best personal trainer in San Diego?
If you’re looking to get in shape, San Diego is certainly the right place for that.
There’s beautiful weather, plenty of beaches, a lot of good looking people, and a shitload of personal trainers to help you become more attractive to one of those good looking people. Fuck, even “shitload” is an understatement. It seems like EVERYONE in San Diego is a personal trainer!
Nah, really.
E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E!!!
So who’s the best in the area then?
Gee, let’s see…
I’m a personal trainer…
…and I live in San Diego…
…so of course, the answer is…
This is where someone lacking humility would say “me”, with them proceeding to hard sell the hell out of you to convert you into a client.
While I do indeed have a sizable ego and know I should very well pitch myself to you, I’m going to be upfront and say the answer to who the best personal trainer in San Diego is a resounding “who the fuck knows”.
Yeah, that’s right!
Who the fuck knows who the best personal trainer is!!!
The answer to who’s the best is going to depend on your needs and various other factors, such as individual temperament and if yours matches with your trainer’s, something I wouldn’t have a clue about because I don’t know you personally. So given that I can’t specifically answer the question, what I will do instead is provide you with help on a few things to look for to guide your decision-making process in finding and choosing the best personal trainer for you not only if you live in San Diego or are visiting the area but also for anywhere in the world. Continue reading Who’s The Best Personal Trainer In San Diego?
noun [leg pres]
a lower body machine that calls for the loading up of every 45 lbs plate in the gym, bending the knees ever so slightly (i.e. not at all), and then leaving the machine as is for someone else to unrack. see also: JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE
There’s no such thing as “toning” the muscles. You saying there is makes you sound like a doof. There’s no such thing as “toning” the muscles. You saying there is makes you sound like a doof. There’s no such thing as “toning” the muscles. You saying there is makes you sound like a doof. There’s no such thing as “toning” the muscles. You saying there is makes you sound like a doof. There’s no such thing as “toning” the muscles. You saying there is makes you sound like a doof. There’s no such thing as “toning” the muscles. You saying there is makes you sound like a doof. There’s no such thing as “toning” the muscles. You saying there is makes you sound like a doof. There’s no such thing as “toning” the muscles. You saying there is makes you sound like a doof. Damn, you really read all the way to down here like there was going to be something written other than there’s no such thing as “toning” the muscles and you saying there is makes you sound like a doof? Sorry, but there’s no such thing as “toning” the muscles! Oh, and you saying there is makes you sound like a doof!!!
