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The Best Fat-Burning Foods For Weight Loss

The Best Fat-Burning Foods For Weight Loss written in text with image of a measuring tape around the tines of a fork against a pink backdrop.

The Best Fat-Burning Foods For Weight Loss

The Best Fat-Burning Foods For Weight Loss written in text with image of a measuring tape around the tines of a fork against a pink backdrop.

Q: I’m trying to get sexy. I know, is it even possible to get sexier than I already am? Well, that’s what we’re about to find out! Anyway, because I have ABSOLUTELY no interest — NONE AT ALL!!! — in doing any of the requisite work to change my body, what are some of the best fat-burning foods for weight loss that’ll do the job for me?

A: What are the best fat-burning foods for weight loss?

Ooooooooooooh, I bet you’re patiently waiting for me to tell you to drink coffee or eat chili peppers because their active substances are reputed to rev up the metabolism and melt the pounds away.1Those active substances are caffeine and capsaicin, respectively. I also bet you’re waiting for me to tell you about green tea. Or grapefruit. Or maybe turmeric. Or fenugreek. Or goji berries. Or quite possibly apple cider vinegar. You’ve probably seen those items on a list somewhere along with other foods that are reputed to burn right through fat and I bet you’re waiting with bated breath for me to validate their magical properties, plus tell you all sorts of other foods with similar capabilities. Well, don’t hold your breath too long because, you know, I wouldn’t want you to suffocate!2Fingers crossed, of course! Continue reading The Best Fat-Burning Foods For Weight Loss

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Why You Should Take The Stairs

Why You Should Take The Stairs written in text with image of an escalator and flights of stairs.

Why You Should Take The Stairs

Why You Should Take The Stairs written in text with image of an escalator and flights of stairs.

People do a very funny thing.1Since you happen to be a people, you probably do it too!

Care to know what it is so you can chuckle at the fuckery everybody does?2Including you!

Well, they go home to their apartment building after a workout.

Oh, so their mistake is renting instead of owning?, you ask.

Yes, but that’s a separate matter!

Click through to go to Amazon.com to purchase an ebook by Monster Longe.

As to what the mistake is that’s made by people in this specific instance, it isn’t paying off someone else’s mortgage and walking away with zero equity. No, the mistake made by people is going home to their apartment building after a workout and then hopping on the elevator right by the entrance instead of walking the few extra steps to the stairwell to take the stairs.3And your mistake, too! Assuredly, they do this because they’re so plumb tuckered out from their physically and mentally draining sets of quarter squats.4You do too!

Now, while I know it’s easy to be totally wiped out from only thrusting up and down an inch, taking the elevator instead of the stairs isn’t the right choice because it cuts down on energy expenditure, which effectively reduces the potential amount of calories that could be burned for the day. Compounding things is all the other inactivity before and after the gym that tallies up to the burning of fewer potential total calories.5One example is parking as close as possible to the gym entrance so you don’t have to do that much walking to and fro.

So what’s the solution? Continue reading Why You Should Take The Stairs

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Egg Nutrition Facts

Find out the nutrition facts about eggs, one of your (not so) favorite foods!

Image of eggs and their nutritional values.

Why on earth would you ever eat fucking eggs?!?!, you ask incredulously.

Good question!
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Eggs = 🤮⁣⁣⁣⁣

After all, chickens only have one posterior opening for their digestive, excretory, and reproductive tracts, meaning that everything comes out this hole, or cloaca, whether it be pee, feces, or eggs. So yeah, unless you’re some kinda weirdo who’s into chicken butt food, the thought of putting eggs in your mouth is a double yuck 🤮

But here’s the thing… Continue reading Egg Nutrition Facts

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Mother’s Day Nutrition Tips

How To Enjoy Mother's Day written in text with image of an expectant mother eating cake.

Mother’s Day Nutrition Tips

How To Enjoy Mother's Day written in text with image of an expectant mother eating cake.

It’s that annual time of the year to celebrate the women who made use of their vaginas to bring life into this world rather than just as pleasure holes.

So if you’re a mom, that means you’re likely to receive cards, flowers, and gifts from your kids. What else is likely is a special brunch or dinner at a restaurant.

So how should you handle your special day?

Well, if your kids aren’t grown, you should probably know that the tokens of appreciation from them are really from the person you had the child with because young kids are broke largely in part to some assholes thinking it should be illegal for children to work so that they can enjoy childhood before spending the rest of their woebegone days in drudgery on this planet. So fuck hugging and kissing your glory-hogging brats. Instead, direct that gratitude to the person who really deserves it! And if you’re a single mom who doesn’t have a partner in the picture, then the money for the items given to you by your children will more than likely come from you in some shape or form. That means that you’re the one who bought yourself your Mother’s Day cards, flowers, and gifts, so hug and kiss yourself!

That’s how you should handle your special day, toots!

…

Oh, wait, you were only asking about the food aspect?

Whoops!

Anyway, that’s easy! Continue reading Mother’s Day Nutrition Tips