noun [dahy·i·ter·ee fat]
a macronutrient made up of fatty acids that’s obtained from animal and plant-based products and bears all responsibility for making you fluffy — not you shoving everything within arm’s reach down your bleeping throat. see also: AUDACITY
Can you name something that you like overpaying for, especially when you can get it for much, much cheaper somewhere else?
…
Well, besides sushi and tacos and Indian food and anything else that can have you Dumb and Dumber-ing a toilet bowl. Continue reading Know Your Worth
So you hate tricep kickbacks and the hip abduction machine because they’re stupid, huh?
Okay, don’t do ’em!
But squats?
Deadlifts?
Burpees?
Whatever the exercise is, do you hate it only because it’s hard, either due to it challenging you or making you feel uncomfortable?
Then don’t don’t do ’em!1That’s a double negative, which makes the statement positive!
What?!
You should do the exercises you hate that are uncomfortable or challenge you?
Why the fuck would you do that?!?! Continue reading Why You Should Do Exercises You Hate
noun [trey·ning pahrt·ner]
a person who works out with another person because the act of working out itself isn’t unbearable enough already. see also: VERSCHLIMMBESSERN
The weight room can be an intimidating place for you, a woman. What, with it being a sausage party and all!
It’s probably because the men are exactly where they belong and you, a woman, are not exactly where you belong. Rather than staying in the cardio area where we alllllllllllll know a woman’s place is, you’re here in the weight room deciding to do something as utterly complicated as picking up weights and putting them back down.
Maybe you’re a feminist with the silly — SILLY!!! — notion that you can do whatever a man can do, even when it comes to lifting weights, let alone running a country and driving a car.
Ha!
Or maybe you haven’t heard that weights make women look manly, nor have you seen the ample evidence of such all over social media. Yuck to the oodles of fit broads who happen to be the only people I follow and try to slide in the DMs of to see if I can slide into something else!1*wink, wink*
Yuck, I tell ya!!!
Whatever your fucking deal is, here you are in the weight room.
More often than not (like all the fucking time), you’ll be able to work out without incident. You know, without guys jerking off behind you because you’re soooooooooooo hot that how could guys NOT jerk off behind you. Every now and then though, not so much.
There are times when you’ll have a creeper.
And that creepy gym creeper creeping on you?
Yeah, the one as you squat provocatively in attire suited for the strip club?
That would be me. Continue reading Confessions Of A Gym Creeper
