Why on earth would you ever eat fucking oatmeal?!?!, you ask incredulously.

Good question!

⁣⁣Oatmeal = 🤮

But here’s the thing… Continue reading Oatmeal Nutrition Facts

The Effectiveness Of Booty Bands

Do booty bands work?

Yes, those mini resistance bands you’ve seen fitfluencers with ginormous asses doing soft-core porn workouts with all over social media!

Yes, that piece of exercise equipment those fitfluencers with ginormous asses credit their ginormous asses with and not, perhaps, their surgeon or excessively tight leggings made with the same suspension technology used to hold up bridges!

Now that any possible confusion is cleared up and we know exactly what’s being discussed here, do those rubber band looking thingies work? Continue reading The Effectiveness Of Booty Bands

How To Have Fun Working Out

Working out isn’t as much fun as it looks in commercials trying to sell me gym memberships and fitness products.

– You, because you’re gullible

 

If you find working out boring, you may be tempted to want to blow your brains out all over the gym mirror walls.

…or, maybe, just stop going to the gym to work out because you don’t want to do us all a favor.¹Yeah, you could stop working out first before resorting to more drastic measures that we’d all be appreciative of, but that’s only if you’re inconsiderate.

Trust me, I get it.

Every moment of your life is like a scene from an action movie.

So to go from jumping out of helicopters to doing jump squats would make me want to blow out my brains, too!

Well, to make working out more exciting for you, I could tell you to

 

But instead of running down a bullet point list of things you can do to liven up your workout like this guide is supposed to, I’m not gonna tell you shit!

Know why? Continue reading How To Have Fun Working Out

Why on earth would you ever eat fucking grapes?!?!, you ask incredulously.

Good question!

Grapes = 🤮

Like, sure, we all have our own kinks and no one should be shamed for them but who seriously gets off on performing anilingus on someone with a hemorrhoid flareup?!?!

…

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you meant “grapes” as in the fruit and not the slang term for the swollen veins in the rectum!

Oops!!!

Honest mistake on my part!

Anyway, grapes are still = 🤮

But here’s the thing… Continue reading Grape Nutrition Facts

The Effects Of Stress On Health

Stress is your body’s emotional, mental, or physical response to any demand or threat that makes you feel frustrated, angry, or nervous.¹When the body perceives stress, cortisol is released into the bloodstream, resulting in a cascade of physiological and hormonal events that help launch an appropriate response to the demand or threat. Once that demand or threat has subsided, cortisol levels return to normal.

In small amounts, what’s known as acute stress can help you stay motivated to meet a project deadline so you don’t get fired, as well as activate the “fight-or-flight” hormones to give you the hysterical strength to lift a car off your child after you were irresponsible enough to leave them unsupervised for as long as you did.

But too much stress? Continue reading The Effects Of Stress On Health