Category: ETC.

Your Dreams Are Good And All, But…

So it’s the first Thursday of February, huh?

Well, here’s a fun fact for you:

80 percent of New Year’s Resolutions fail by February, with the first Thursday of the month (today) being when the number of fast-food visits meets the downturn in gym check-ins.

If your gym has been anything like mine since the first of January, then it’s been crowded. Having new people come in with big dreams is a good thing that I should be going happy happy joy joy about as a personal trainer. I should also be doing the happy dance that I can crush these people’s dreams when they realize we’re on completely different planets that very few of them will ever reach. But alas, I find no solace in either situation!

Why?

Because all of these wishy-washy motherfuckers have kind of fucked up my ability to find parking for the last month!!!

Well, today marks the beginning of everything changing.

*Birdman hand rub*

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer in San Diego. He has been lifting weights for +25 years and training clients in the gym and online for about half of that time. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys long walks and leaving buildings crushed and entire city blocks decimated in his wake.

Latest posts by Monster Longe (see all)

• How To Eat Healthy During Thanksgiving - November 20, 2024
• Weight Loss Tip: no.2620 - November 20, 2024
• Is Going To The Gym Once A Week Enough? - November 19, 2024

What’s The Worst That Could Happen?!

May my international readers please excuse me for a moment. I need to dust off my political science degree and have some words in private with my readers in ‘Murica.

*ahem*

I’m sure many of you did your civic duty and voted…

…and were shocked for the umpteenth time when you found out that your vote means nothing as long as there’s an electoral college that gives smaller states a bigger voice than places where people actually live.

What, you weren’t paying attention when the shit was covered in the various forms of civics classes you took in grade school and college?

Anyway, life goes on.

So quit the bellyaching and go to the gym, you!

Believe me, there’s nothing that can go wrong in the next four years that can make this election result the worst of all possible worlds. Yes! Yes, I’m saying that as facetiously as possible as someone who’s writing this very paragraph in 2020 and has the gift of hindsight to know this administration is even worse than it was imagined capable of being when the above was written on November 10, 2016!

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer in San Diego. He has been lifting weights for +25 years and training clients in the gym and online for about half of that time. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys long walks and leaving buildings crushed and entire city blocks decimated in his wake.

Latest posts by Monster Longe (see all)

• How To Eat Healthy During Thanksgiving - November 20, 2024
• Weight Loss Tip: no.2620 - November 20, 2024
• Is Going To The Gym Once A Week Enough? - November 19, 2024

The Muscle Hustle & Bustle

This week’s entry is a guest post. I know, I know…you’re heartbroken because reading shit written by me is the highlight of your measly existence. Dry your eye, kiddo! No need to wallow, because I’ve left blog duties in the more than capable hands — or at least I think I have — of Andrew DaCosta.¹Who the hell is Andrew DaCosta?!?! Why, he’s a scientist currently living in New Jersey (I think he owed some Russian mobsters a shitload of money, so he fled New York and moved there. I’m not sure of the exact story, but it has to be something like that. I mean, why else would someone live in that godforsaken state?). When not sciencing, he’s on stage as an NPC competitor. Yup, he enjoys spending his free time strutting his stuff half-naked and oiled up in front of an audience full of guys. Oh, he also knows how to polka like nobody’s business and happens to be one of my earliest training partners. Some (definitely not me) would even go out of their way to say he’s a good friend. SO THAT’S WHO THE FUCK ANDREW DACOSTA IS!!!

Someone stopped me in the gym yesterday and asked me if I’m getting ready for a show, then asked me how many weeks it takes to get ready for one.

I assume that most people would probably say, “Well, prep is typically 12 weeks; so about 2 to 3 months.”

That couldn’t be further from the truth.

Bodybuilding doesn’t stop.

E…V…E…R. Continue reading The Muscle Hustle & Bustle

Stupid Human Tricks

With the advent of camera phones and social media networks for you to share every single thing you capture, gone are simpler times.

Yes, gone are the days of having to actually step foot inside a gym to see people doing stupid shit.

Thanks to modern technology, I can now log onto Instagram, for example, and get my fix of people doing stupid shit from the comfort of my home.

And boy oh boy are people doing a bunch of stupid shit!

But for the sake of time, I’m going to limit myself to only talking about stupid exercises, how people perform fancy exercise movements that have absolutely zero substance.

…and I’m not talking about dumbbell kickbacks either!

With that said, it’s put people on blast time!!! Continue reading Stupid Human Tricks