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I’ll Make An Exception…

I’ll Make An Exception…

According to Forbes, we’re in quarantine and people are consuming more alcohol, smoking more weed, playing more video games, eating more junk food, binge-watching more Netflix, and doing more disgusting things to themselves to adult films than ever before.

…but you’re wrong for admonishing people to come out of this situation with either a new skill, more knowledge, or work started on a new business, with failure to do so indicative of never lacking the time, just discipline?!?!

Sorry, but after seeing how people are spending the increased free time on bullshit, saying they shouldn’t be excoriated for not making better use of the available time is enabling behavior.

Most hustle-porn is bullshit because the cult of hard work obscures the structural problems within this society, which is why I don’t subscribe to it. But there’s always an exception to every rule, and this moment is the exception, you fucking slacker.


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Monster Longe
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Ballerific

Ballerific

This is just a crazy thought, but if your coach, someone you’re paying a lot of money to, reaches out to you to better understand your needs, you should probably get back in touch with them instead of still ignoring their messages days later.

But hey, if your lifestyle is so ballerific that you can afford to throw money away, then waste it however you deem fit!

In fact, since you can afford it, let me upsell you a more expensive version of the coaching service you purchased, with the difference being that it involves me caring even less but you paying much, much more, thus making it like many of the services offered by “coaches” that shall remain nameless. Nope, I won’t confirm nor deny I’m blatantly referring to Omar Ventura, Devin Physique, or Brittany Dawn!

Anyway, can I interest you in significantly less value for only a few shekels more?!

Huh, can I?!?!


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Monster Longe
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What To Do During Quarantine

What To Do During Quarantine

Eating yourself out of house and home right now during quarantine is a terrible idea because it’s only hastening the use of toilet paper, which, based on the people who’re hoarding it, will never be produced again because all those involved in its manufacture are going to perish in this pandemic and take the secret of how to make it to the grave with them.

Oh, and eating everything in sight is also a terrible idea because it’s a poor use of time!

With you stuck in the house all day and no bars, restaurants, clubs, or other places to go where food and drink is aplenty, now is the perfect time to get a handle on your eating to develop the routine and habits needed to stay on track when normal life resumes and you have to deal with the daily mixture of food and social interaction, which accounts for most people’s weight gain, as well as diet noncompliance when they resolve to do something about the weight they have no idea — NO IDEA!!! — how they put on.


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#supportsmallbusiness

#supportsmallbusiness

The Cheesecake Factory told its landlords that it can’t pay rent at any of its 300 locations due to extraordinary events”, like the coronavirus pandemic forcing them to close their storefronts while everyone stays at home.

That might possibly mean eviction and the end of the chain, which would be disastrous not only for the workers but also, most importantly, for you because where else are you going to eat from every day and then pretend like you don’t know where the weight is coming from?

If this isn’t a reason to order something from them for curbside pickup in support of a local small business during these trying times, then I don’t know what is!


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Complaint Box

Complaint Box

Meal plans are one of the services I provide. Tell me some of the foods you enjoy eating and I’ll put them together with the right serving sizes so you can reach your weight management goal, whether that’s losing, gaining, or maintaining. Well, a few weeks ago, for the first time since I’ve been writing meal plans, a new client complained about theirs.

The issue?

The issue had to do with the supposed lack of variety. Apparently, she was expecting a number of different meal plans, maybe one for every day of the fucking week. Considering the price that I charge for a meal plan, I don’t know how she reasonably thought she was going to receive multiple meal plans, all different and custom to her, for the price she paid.

Nonetheless, what followed was me explaining my reason for only supplying one meal plan and having her eat the same thing every day. Because eating the same thing every day is something you should start doing likewise, I thought I’d share with you what I told her were the benefits of doing so.

For one thing, prepping your food ahead of time makes life easier because all you have to do is reheat what you made and then eat it, which saves you the trouble of cooking after a long day of work or thinking about what you want to eat. To this end, when you’re eating the same shit every day, it’s more convenient to prep food because everything can be made in bulk and just divvied up for however many meals over however many days, as opposed to preparing several unique items for each day and/or meal.

Secondly, research shows that people who successfully manage their weight tend to eat comparable things each day. Some reasons for this include it being easier to prep food in advance, as mentioned above. There’s also the fact that the more often you eat something, the more it becomes a habit instead of a conscious choice. To this end, someone coming to me for help and in need of a meal plan suggests the lack of healthy eating habits. As such, eating the same shit every day can help with the establishment of such a healthy eating pattern.

So nuh!

*sticking my tongue out with my thumbs in my ears and my fingers wiggling*


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