Category: Glossary

tone

noun [tohn]
1. a word that laypeople and so-called “fitness professionals” are still using in the context of muscle appearing firm and clearly defined when its proper use is in relation to the involuntary tension maintained in skeletal tissue at rest in anticipation of the muscle’s use. see also: MIGRAINE

verb [tohn]
2. to make a body part possess muscular definition without the person in pursuit of muscular definition having to utter that what they’re fucking after is “muscle”, a much reviled word. see also: SELF-DECEIT

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personal trainer

noun [pur·suh·nl trey·ner]
1. a person who just began their fitness journey and already has the years of experience under their belt to advise others in the ways of exercise and nutrition for a nominal fee, of course. see also: CHARLATAN

2. a person who’s paid to provide exercise instructions but spends most of the time with their head bent down looking at their phone. see also: THIEF

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hypertrophy

noun [hi·pur·truh·fee]
a very simple word people butcher the pronunciation of when trying to sound above their level of education when talking to others about fitness, particularly muscle growth and the diet and exercise methods conducive for it. see also: PRETENTIOUS

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Monday

noun [muhn·dey]
1. the day of the week that comes between Sunday and Tuesday and is internationally recognized as the magical day to begin or restart a plan, program, whatever, rather than immediately starting or making a course-correction. see also: TOMORROW

2. the day of the week to save humanity from incurring the wrath of plague, pestilence, and famine from the heavens above for training the pectoral muscles on any other day but the start of the week. see also: HEROISM

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