noun [pey·shuns]
a person’s ability to start a diet or exercise program and wait a week to lose a bajillion pounds or gain fuckloads of muscle before going ape shit and/or quitting because what they’re doing clearly isn’t working. see also: NOW
noun [suhp·luh·ment]
1. an often overpriced dietary product that’s expected to transform your body or improve your health with little effort of your own apart from swallowing and selling your time for money at a soul-crushing job for the funds necessary to afford it. see also: ABRACADABRA
2. irrefutable proof that you’re not as immune to marketing despite your protestations to the contrary.
3. a nonessential good that some of your discretionary income might go towards buying, thus placing it among iced coffee, avocado toast, and other small, regular purchases that Baby Boomers say is why Millennials will never afford to buy a house — as opposed to the systemic inequality they’ve deliberately engineered by way of the economic policies and business decisions they’ve controlled that now make it impossible to enjoy many of the advantages they’ve benefited from. see also: GERONTICIDE
verb [suhp·luh·ment]
4. to add something to an existing item or situation to make it better, which describes what your partner is trying to do by way of their constant asking of permission to invite a third person into the bedroom with you two.
noun [wuhn·rep maks]
1. the heaviest amount of weight an exercise can be performed with for a single, measly repetition because doing something once is waaaayyyyy more impressive than doing it multiple times. see also: POWERLIFTER
2. a number that no one on the planet or in the nearest solar system gives a fuck about other than you. see also: OUCH
noun [jim mir·er]
a glass object that reflects images and is used for gym selfies by standing directly in front of people stupid enough to want to use it to monitor their lifting technique while performing an exercise movement. see also: INVISIBLE
noun [ek·ser·sahyz]
1. that movement in the gym that you’re butchering the execution of and is causing everyone to whip out their phone and record you so they can clown you on their social media feed instead of being courteous enough to offer unsolicited advice that you’ll ignore. see also: ENTERTAINMENT
2. physical activity that’s sometimes done as a substitute for therapy instead of getting the professional help that’s desperately needed to resolve anger, stress, or trauma that’s thiiiiiiiiisssss close to simmering over into a murder-suicide.
3. not as big of a reason as you would like to believe why you are or aren’t losing weight.
verb [ek·ser·sahyz]
4. to do physical activities in order to flood the social media feeds of followers with gym selfies, workout videos shot from fucked up angles, and grammatically challenged status updates, with the incessant denial that such action is attention-whoring and not about motivating others. see also: VALIDATION
