Should You Be Program Hopping?
INSTRUCTIONS
This mini quiz makes it possible to determine if you should or shouldn’t program hop — i.e. dump a routine for a fancy new one that promises to do all sorts of crap that you think yours isn’t doing. To find out whether or not you should make the jump, read each question carefully. Then read all of the answer choices to each question and fill in the bubble that corresponds to the correct answer. If you have difficulty determining the correct answer to a question, then you have bigger problems in life than figuring out if you should program hop. Like, way, way bigger problems!
1. ARE YOU A CUTE, LITTLE BUNNY RABBIT?
a) No
b) Nope
c) Nah
d) Nuh-uh
2. DO YOU HAVE KANGAROO BLOOD IN YOUR HEREDITARY LINEAGE?
a) No
b) Nope
c) Nah
d) Nuh-uh
3. ARE YOU THE LONG-LOST LOVE CHILD OF THE ONE AND ONLY JIMINY CRICKET?1From an entomological point of view, Jiminy Cricket, Pinocchio’s conscience, is more of a grasshopper, maybe even a locust, than an actual cricket. Call it artistic license, just like how the Disney film strays from Pinocchio murdering him with a hammer, as was the case in the original story. Wait, does that newfound information ruin your childhood? Good!!!
a) No
b) Nope
c) Nah
d) Nuh-uh
4. HOW ‘BOUT THE BASTARD SEED OF ONE OF THE BATTLETOADS?2 Basically a rip-off of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Battletoads was a video game title for the original Nintendo Entertainment System that starred three anthropomorphic toads by the name of Zitz, Rash, and Pimple. Oh, and Battletoads isn’t just any other video game. No, no, no! It has the distinct honor of being one of the hardest video games, if not the hardest video game, ever made because “fuck kids!!!”
a) No
b) Nope
c) Nah
d) Nuh-uh
5. WERE YOU A POGO STICK, TRAMPOLINE, OR BOUNCY HOUSE IN A PREVIOUS LIFE?
a) No
b) Nope
c) Nah
d) Nuh-uh
SCORE:
If you didn’t answer in the affirmative to any of the questions, then program hopping might not be for you. That means your current program should be stuck to. Yeah, the program that you started a week ago! Stick with it and see it all the way through instead of dumping it for the new flavor of the month program you just heard about and now want to do but shouldn’t for reasons I can’t get into here because I’ve already done so in this blog post that explains how often you should change your workout routine, which you can read by clicking on the hyperlink. So yeah, do that!!!3NOTE: This advice, of course, is predicated on you actually running a program rather than just going to the gym and lifting all willy-nilly, which is exactly what you’re doing!!!
Program hopping is one of the most common practices in the gym and is something you’re probably thinking of, if not already, doing.
Are you guilty of it?
If so, what were your results from the quiz, which was to help you determine if you’re a prime candidate for program hopping? I’m interested in knowing how you scored!
I’m even more interested in knowing if after being ruled out as a prime candidate for program hopping and finding out why it isn’t the best course of action, which you would’ve done by clicking the link to access the article on the subject, are you still committed to doing what you’re doing, that of traveling on a one-way road to eternal fitness damnation?
Inquiring minds wanna know!
Glossary: gym, program, routine
