Why Take Creatine (And Other Questions)?

This country is facing a large drug epidemic, with most of its victims being those who are the least expected…

…like you!

However, while you do a good job of hiding your drug use from others, it’s pretty apparent to the likes of me. I mean, what else would explain your scrawny, pathetic looking body other than drug abuse? What, shitty nutrition? Half-ass weight training? Ha, don’t be silly!

The culprit is clearly drug abuse!

Such a shame that you’ve let drugs ravage your body like that!

Know what can help fix it?

Yeah, eating right. And working out.

Oh, and DRUGS too!!!

There are a lot of drugs out there for the exact purpose of turning someone’s body from junkie to hunky, but there’s one in particular that I’m talking about.

And what’s that drug?

It’s creatine.

Yup, creatine!

So let’s learn about what it is, why you should take it, and other things about it that’ll make you a more educated drug user.

WHAT IS CREATINE?

Creatine is a naturally occurring amino acid found in almost every animal-based product, from red meat, to chicken, to milk. It’s also produced in the human body by the liver, kidneys, and pancreas.

WHAT DOES CREATINE DO?

In large enough quantities over time so the muscle cells are saturated with the stuff, creatine influences muscle size and growth. Its primary effect though is boosting endurance.

WHY TAKE CREATINE?

You should take creatine because the body doesn’t produce enough of it on its own for saturation of the muscle cells, which is necessary for its effects to take hold.

Also, while creatine is found in food, it’s easier to supplement with it to build up its stores than it is to eat 2-3 lbs of meat per day just to equal one serving of creatine.¹

HOW DOES CREATINE WORK?

One of the ways that creatine exerts its influence is via the giving of energy, just like another white powder.

*cough*cocaine*cough*

Anyyyyyywaaaaay…

Skipping all the nerdy minutiae that won’t interest you because you’re not a nerd, creatine works by acting on what’s called the ATP pathway. ATP is adenosine triphosphate, the body’s main energy source for muscle contractions involved in high intensity activities.² Now, the amount of ATP contained within each muscle is limited, so more needs to be produced when it’s gone.

This is where creatine comes in.

During those brief periods of all-out effort, ATP normally loses a phosphate molecule and becomes adenosine diphosphate (ADP), causing you to have a drop in performance.

Regular supplementation with creatine increases the body’s stores of phosphocreatine, molecules that donate an extra phosphate molecule to ADP for it to become ATP again and resupply the muscle cells with energy to maintain power output.

Need an illustration?

Of course, you do!

Well, you know how in movies when someone in danger miraculously gets a signal but the phone craps out when they’re about to tell the person on the other end their location or what’s going on? Yup, that beaten to death cinematic trope! Anyway, creatine is the battery charger that provides the juice for those much needed extra seconds of phone service.

Apart from endurance, another benefit of creatine is muscle growth by indirect means. As we see, creatine extends sets by allowing the body to produce more energy, which results in the ability to perform 1 or 2 more reps. Well, the ability to perform 1 or 2 more reps results in more micro-trauma. Over time from session to session, this adds up to increased strength and muscle size.

Additionally, creatine influences muscle size by causing cellular volumization, or the raising of the water content in the muscle cells, something that leads to a cascade of events prompting muscle growth.³

WHO SHOULD TAKE CREATINE?

You should supplement with creatine if you lift weights, sprint, or do HIIT. Basically, take it if you engage in any activity that requires short bursts of energy, whether you’re a man or woman.⁴

Vegans should also take the stuff because it’s only naturally found in animal-products, which they don’t have access to in their diets because they’re snobby plant-eating plant eaters who feel the need to tell everybody about their love for animals and higher morality because of it while they routinely vote against programs and initiatives geared towards helping society’s most vulnerable humans.

WHAT TYPE OF CREATINE SHOULD YOU TAKE?

There’s creatine ethyl-ester. Di-creatine malate. Tri-creatine malate. Creatine alpha-ketoglutarate. Creatine citrate. Creatine pyruvate (or creatine 2-oxopropanoate). Micronized creatine. Effervescent creatine. Buffered creatine. Liquid creatine. Conjugated creatine.⁵

Yeah, there’s a SHITLOAD of creatines to choose from!

What they all have in common is that they’re fancier, more expensive, have better marketing, and don’t do as much as creatine monohydrate, the normal and original form of creatine.

So…ummmm…if you have money to blow and want less bang for your buck, then buy anything other than creatine monohydrate.

However, if you’re financially responsible and want something in return for your money, then buy monohydrate.

WHEN SHOULD YOU TAKE CREATINE?

You can take creatine whenever you like, boo-bear! All that matters is that you take it consistently.

See, creatine isn’t like preworkout, which should be taken right before your workout to give you that much coveted placebo effect. Creatine doesn’t work like that. Your cells need to be saturated with the stuff, and even when they are, the creatine that your body uses is the creatine that was stored in the body a while ago — NOT what was just ingested. That’s why you can take it whenever. So don’t stress about sprinkling it on your oatmeal in the morning, mixing it in with your coke as part of your midday pick-me-up, or brushing your teeth with it before bed.

HOW SHOULD YOU TAKE CREATINE?

What, don’t want to sprinkle it on your oatmeal in the morning? Mix it in with your coke as part of your midday pick-me-up? Or brush your teeth with it before bed?

Okay, then drink it with water or just add it to your protein shake like a boring normie.

Another option is taking it with a sugar, like dextrose, maltodextrin, isomaltulose, etc. The thinking is that the sugar will help spike insulin, with elevation of the nutrient delivery hormone then helping to carry the creatine to the muscle cells for faster absorption. If taking creatine as part of your post-workout protocol, then this is something to keep in mind for you to do. If taking creatine preworkout, mixing it with a sugar won’t do shit for you for the reason that the creatine that you’re ingesting won’t have any immediate impact on the workout you’re preparing to engage in. As such, there’s no need to concern yourself with faster uptake!

Also, it’s commonly recommended to mix creatine with grape juice, orange juice, lemonade, etc. The problem with those fluids is they’re acidic solutions that render creatine inactive by converting it to creatinine. For that reason, creatine should be consumed shortly after mixing with an acidic beverage rather than allowing it to sit.

HOW MUCH CREATINE SHOULD YOU TAKE?

The original protocol still advocated by many calls for a loading phase of 20 grams of creatine for a week, followed by a three-week maintenance phase of 5 grams daily, and then a week or two without any creatine to flush it out of your system before repeating the cycle again at the loading phase.

The reasoning behind loading is that you can saturate the muscle cells with creatine faster, enabling you to reap its benefits much sooner.

That’s true.

But numerous studies have shown that the difference between loading and taking small doses to reach the saturation point isn’t great enough to be of any significance. Additionally, research suggests that it’s unnecessary to cycle on and off creatine because it’s not toxic to the heart, liver, or kidneys of healthy people.⁶

So the answer to how much you should take is 5g daily with at least 64 oz of water throughout the day until you feel like discontinuing usage.⁷

But wait, you say.

If loading and cycling are unnecessary, then why on earth would so many supplement companies recommend loading and cycling on their creatine labels?

Well, just follow the money.

If you’re like most Americans, you hate math. I don’t blame you. It’s pretty useless. Outside of grade school and some college, I can confidently type on my computer that I can’t remember the last time it had any bearing at all on my life.

Nope, not once can I think of how math comes into play in my everyday life as I type…on…this…computer!

Anyway, put your justifiable hatred aside, like you do every Thanksgiving as the family gets together for its annual attempt to bury the hatchet and not be dysfunctional.

With that said, let’s do some arithmeticking!!!

If you load up with 20g of creatine for 5-7 days, as is the most recommended loading phase, that’s about 100-140g of creatine gone in just about a week before switching to the maintenance phase dosage of 5g daily for 3-4 weeks. Taking the low end of initial creatine consumption into consideration (100g), that comes out to a total of about 205-240g of creatine ingested in those 4-5 weeks of loading and maintenance.

Compare that to NOT loading and simply taking 5g of creatine right out the gate, which comes out to 25-35g of creatine over the initial 5-7 days. Were we to do the math over another 3-4 weeks, that would come out to 100-125g of total creatine ingested.⁸

Moreover, if you believe in cycling creatine and then combine that with the belief in loading, you would then have to load another 100-140g of creatine before going back to the maintenance dosage in order to re-saturate the muscle cells.

As we should be able to see, loading and cycling are nothing more than what any smart marketer would want you to do to deplete your creatine stock faster and buy more product.

It’s a conspiracy!!!

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO SEE THE EFFECTS OF CREATINE?

You should start to notice a difference within a week, but that’s if you load. It’ll take a little longer if you take a more conservative approach.

WHAT ARE THE SIDE EFFECTS OF CREATINE?

Talk to someone and they’ll link creatine to nausea. And dizziness. And stomach discomfort. And anxiety. And breathing problems. And fatigue. And baldness. And headache. And fever. And AIDS. And pestilence.

Well, maybe not the last two, but you get the point!

Creatine is credited with a number of adverse effects, which is funny because it’s the most researched supplement on the market and weight gain is the only reported side effect from its use.⁹ Yeah, after more than 20 years of research and over 500 studies, weight gain is the only side effect that’s been described in the literature!

Another unwanted effect that’s attributed to creatine is water retention. That’s vastly overblown. Even more, for the most part, the people who voice that complaint are generally the people with whom that should be the last thing on their mind. In other words, they’re not bodybuilders or people who are lean and should give a fuck about how water may affect their appearance. That said, someone who’s a donut away from a diabetic coma should NOT be worried about water retention from creatine!

NOTE: When taken without enough water, dehydration and cramping can occur. The onset of diarrhea and nausea is indicative of too high of a dosage, so stop taking so much like doing so confers extra benefits.¹⁰ Another potential cause of gastrointestinal issues may be a shitty brand. So the solution is to buy a brand that’s not so shitty!

NOTE: Consult with a physician before taking with a diuretic, anti-inflammatory, or diabetes medication.

People say white power has no place in this world, but that’s why you don’t listen to people…

…because people are stupid!

Creatine is one of the few supplements backed by a wealth of science to support its claim as an ergonomic aid that helps increase strength and build muscle.

For this reason, you can’t go wrong with creatine supplementation.

On second thought, actually, you can!

Cycling on and off creatine is clearly a scam.

But hey, if you’re independently wealthy, then load creatine.¹¹

Other than that, it’s on the up and up as a legitimate drug that you should add to the list of drugs you’ve taken at one point in your life, junkie!

Glossary: nutrition