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When She’s Unfaithful

When She’s Unfaithful

So I’m at the gym.

As a client is telling me how good she’s doing with her food choices, her father, who doesn’t know what the fuck we’re talking about, walks up to us and shows me pictures of the cinnamon rolls he baked that he was about to go home and eat. He then asks if she wants him to save her some because she had seemed to really enjoy them the other night.

Yes, I found out she cheated on her nutrition right as she was telling me how good she was doing with it!

I swear you can’t make this shit up!

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Monster Longe
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Client Appreciation

Client Appreciation

A client was going out of town and asked for my advice on what she could do so she didn’t come back the worse for it. Because that’s kinda what I’m paid the big bucks for, I spelled out several things for her to do.

After giving her the advice she so desperately wanted, guess what?

Yup, she ran down a list of reasons why she couldn’t do any — not even ONE!!! — of the things I told her to do.

It’s clients like you, boo-boo, that make this job sooooooooooooooooo rewarding!

For all that you do in making my job as fulfilling as it is, allow me to thank you from the bottom of my merciless heart with the workout I put you through when you come back.

*thumbs up*

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Monster Longe
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But…You…Just…Said…

But…You…Just…Said…

A study last week found that eating three or more eggs a week may increase the risk of heart disease and early death, which flies in the face of research that says the opposite, with egg yolk having a host of benefits that include helping to raise HDL (i.e. healthy cholesterol) levels.

…

The fuck?!?!

But isn’t that the case with ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL studies? One study says one thing. Another comes along that completely shits on what the other study said. Then another shits on that and agrees with the first study. Then another study comes and shits on the first and third in support of the second. And the cycle goes on and on as study after study is published that says contradictory shit.

So what gives?!?!

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Mission: Impossible 2

Mission: Impossible 2

My client is on another trip this week.

This time it’s not a work-related trip but a family vacation, which might as well be work-related considering all the work that goes into putting up with every family member’s bullshit!

Anyway, after numerous poor scale readings following trips, today’s check-in was a success just like last week’s.

How was she able to do this while on vacation?

The exact same way she did when she went out of town for work the week prior.

Yup, by packing food to bring with her that she knows the calorie content of and not going on vacation from the habits that have proved successful at home, such as being aware of everything that goes inside her mouth.

She was so on her game that she even texted me about how to account for the macros in a glass of wine, with me telling her that alcohol can count as either a carb or fat, as well as how she could go about doing the math.

And the end result of all that was weight loss even on a trip.

Look at her continuing to do the impossible!

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Monster Longe
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