Category: Glossary

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Lifting Belt

lifting belt

noun [lifting belt]
1. a flexible band of material that’s commonly worn to protect the back but, contrary to popular belief, does no such thing, thus making it very similar to government, which also doesn’t have our proverbial back though many would like to believe so. see also: DER STAAT (1908)

2. usually made of a wide band of thick leather that’s fastened around the waist by a huge ass buckle; should only be worn for heavy squats and deadlifts but is instead worn at all times and for every exercise because who the fuck doesn’t want to look that stylish?!?! see also: PILGRIM

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Leggings

leggings

noun [leg·ingz]
1. close-fitting stretch pants worn by women to accentuate the booty to help make their presence in the weight room a little more tolerable to the real people who belong there *cough* men *cough* who’d prefer they did their bullshit booty band workout somewhere the fuck else — like at home, where women belong. see also: SCRIPTURE

2. pants that you wear the same exact pair of every single workout without washing because you think they somehow don’t get dirty and need frequent laundering like any other item of clothing. see also: EWWWWW

3. usually marketed with a promise of making the butt look bigger without having to work out for it, which the buying and wearing of makes sense because none of the randos you hook up with are ever going to see you naked with the lights on because there’s the issue with your face and nobody wanting to see it, hence you always get fucked in the dark. see also: BAMBOOZLE

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Adductors

adductors

noun [uh·duhk·ters]
the muscles on the inside of the thigh that either (a) helped you keep your legs closed until marriage or (b) contributed to your whorish ways by holding you in place as you straddled your beau in cowgirl so you could really get into things, which word about you doing spread around town and made you highly sought after. see also: LATTER

Example of Adductors in a Sentence
Without me admitting that autoerotic asphyxiation is my kink and I was purposely looking for this type of shit, let’s just say that I was on PornHub the other day and stumbled down this rabbit hole that eventually led me to videos of this chick squeezing guy’s heads with her thighs and jerking them off with her feet so they could cum while simultaneously getting close to blacking out. Talk about having strong adductors and overall talent!

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