Not everyone is ecstatic that you’re finally getting your shit together.
Nah, there are some people who wish you’d stay the same.
Same horrible body.
Same horrible health.
Same horrible everything.
…and it’s all your fault!
I mean, who the fuck could blame them with your constant bombardment of gym selfies, pics of kale salad, and other fitness-related status updates flooding their fucking social media timelines because you now feel the urge to get all self-righteous and shove your new lifestyle down the throat of all your family and friends?!?!
So, in a way, you kinda deserve it, you dick!