Confessions Of A Gym Creeper

The weight room can be an intimidating place for you, a woman. What, with it being a sausage party and all!

It’s probably because the men are exactly where they belong and you, a woman, are not exactly where you belong. Rather than staying in the cardio area where we alllllllllllll know a woman’s place is, you’re here in the weight room deciding to do something as utterly complicated as picking up weights and putting them back down.

Maybe you’re a feminist with the silly — SILLY!!! — notion that you can do whatever a man can do, even when it comes to lifting weights, let alone running a country and driving a car.

Ha!

Or maybe you haven’t heard that weights make women look manly, nor have you seen the ample evidence of such all over social media. Yuck to the oodles of fit broads who happen to be the only people I follow and try to slide in the DMs of to see if I can slide into something else!¹*wink, wink*

Yuck, I tell ya!!!

Whatever your fucking deal is, here you are in the weight room.

More often than not (like all the fucking time), you’ll be able to work out without incident. You know, without guys jerking off behind you because you’re soooooooooooo hot that how could guys NOT jerk off behind you. Every now and then though, not so much.

There are times when you’ll have a creeper.

And that creepy gym creeper creeping on you?

Yeah, the one as you squat provocatively in attire suited for the strip club?

That would be me.

Hiya, doll!

Yes, I’m that guy looking at you leery-eyed from the other side of the gym.

I’m sure you’ve noticed.

You might even want me to approach you.

Like, fuck, just look at me in my stringer tank top with my skin glistening and muscles bulging!

Lord, the muscles!

But no, I’ll never come up and talk to you to tell you that I can’t take my eyes off you because…

…because your leggings have been split down the middle since you squatted and both of us now know that you like to work out commando.

Look at us, already sharing secrets with each other!

But while I would like to take credit for it, I’m not responsible for staring that hole in you.

Glossary: cardio, gym, leggings, muscle, squat, stringer, weight room, work out

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer in San Diego. He has been lifting weights for +25 years and training clients in the gym and online for about half of that time. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys long walks and leaving buildings crushed and entire city blocks decimated in his wake.

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