What To Do About Your Double Butt Crease
Does your ass have a double chin?
Yeah, shorty, that ass looks right in those jeans, leggings, and combination of jeans and leggings ingeniously known as “jeggings”…
…but what does it look like without those garments made with the same suspension technology used to hold up bridges?!?!1NOTE: This is where one, two, a couple thousand photos of you from behind in butt floss panties, if not naked, would be handy. You know, for professional review!
Oh, you say your ass sags in the area where the lower section of the glutes joins with the upper section of the hamstrings?
Then yes, your ass has a double chin!2NOTE: If you want to be technical, that shit that you just disclosed yourself as having is called a double butt crease, double inferior gluteal crease, double gluteal fold, or buttock ptosis.
That double chin of yours may be due to age and gravity wreaking havoc on skin tightness and elasticity so there’s lack of support for the buttocks. Something else that may affect skin tightness and elasticity in the ass is extreme weight loss, with the loss of too much muscle resulting in laxity of the skin from the loss of volume. Butt droop may also be caused by weak glutes on account of the butt muscles sagging and weighing down on the skin and stretching it. And giving truth to the saying that kids ruin the body, in addition to all your hopes and dreams, pregnancy is yet another cause of butt droop.3NOTE: Relaxin is a hormone produced by the placenta and ovaries to help relax the pelvis and soften and widen the cervix. However, the hormone’s effects on the ligaments and muscles aren’t just limited to the birth canal but also affect the entire body, which includes the skin and soft tissues of the buttocks.
Whatever the cause, your bamsee now has a striking resemblance to a certain anthropomorphic dog with a droopy face.4NOTE: “Bamsee” is a Caribbean word for ass. Sheesh, you people need to leave your white enclaves and hang around a more heterogenous mix of people. GET SOME DIVERSITY INTO YOUR LIFE!!!
So what can you do about your Droopy face looking ass?
SOLUTION NO.1
Cosmetic surgery.
Examples include liposuction of the gluteal fold and then either a butt lift procedure where the buttocks are lifted and the excess skin is removed or a gluteal fat grafting procedure that involves transferring fat from other areas of the body and injecting it into the butt to add volume. Butt implants are another alternative but are best for those who have a mild case of butt droop, are relatively young, and don’t have a lot of fat that can be transferred from elsewhere.5NOTE: These procedures run upwards of $4000 and come with their own respective health risks. For example, fat injections carry the risk of seroma (i.e. fluid buildup beneath the skin), fat necrosis, sciatic nerve injury, deep vein thrombosis, bacterial infection, and possible death via pulmonary fat embolism (i.e. when the needle strikes a blood vessel and causes fat to travel directly to the heart).
SOLUTION NO.2
Build muscle with exercises that place the body in hip extension.
Examples include squats, Bulgarian split squats, hip thrusts, single-leg hip thrusts, glute bridges, single-leg glute bridges, glute marches, walking lunges, reverse lunges, step-ups, reverse hyperextensions, 45-degree hip extensions, quadruped hip extensions, standing glute kickbacks, plank kickbacks, prone flutter kicks, grasshopper beats, good mornings, Romanian deadlifts, single-leg deadlifts, Swiss Ball leg curls, etc.6Of these exercises listed, what’s the best one for a double, triple, quadruple butt crease? Honestly, that’ll vary from person to person because of a myriad of factors, such as the condition of the skin and its fibrous ligaments, how much volume has to be compensated for, time investment, budget, self-love, etc. But regardless which movements you choose to go with, you should remember to pair exercise with sound nutrition. For the purpose of building muscle, that means you should enter a calorie surplus of 200-500 calories above maintenance, with protein intake at about 0.8-1.2 grams per pound of body weight, if not higher depending on your activity level.
NOTE: The average grocery bill for one person is $175-$345 per month and the average monthly gym membership costs just under $60, so the estimated cost for exercise and proper nutrition is about $3000-$5000 per year and comes without any potentially serious health risks.
SOLUTION NO.3
Love and accept yourself as you are.7NOTE: This costs $0.00 but the danger is living a life of true happiness.
I know, the second solution clearly isn’t an option because it involves lots of continued hard work and patience.
And the third solution clearly isn’t an option either because who the fuck is dumb enough to be content with themselves as is?!?!
So yeah, that just leaves one option!
If you’re like a lot of women, then the underbutt is a problem area, with some having more folds there than sheets for an Alaskan king-size bed, which is one of the largest mattresses at a measurement of 108×108!
Anyway, some women think they have a double gluteal fold when they don’t and what they have is a normal — NOT saggy — tush. For instance, you know how when you sit down and your stomach develops rolls? Well, the same can happen when you stand up, with the back of the legs developing rolls despite having normal muscle-fat distribution and normal skin tightness!
So to better assess your ass and determine whether or not it’s as bad as you think it is, there’s actually a measurement you can use. What you do is take a tape measure and see how far the gluteal sulcus, or butt crease, travels down the leg. If the crease descends past a certain number of inches, then you have buttock ptosis that needs some kind of intervention. Unfortunately for you, I’ve forgotten what that exact measurement is, so your lazy (and possibly saggy) ass is going to have to search for it yourself!
There is, however, another method that you can use that involves a pencil. What you do is stand in front of a mirror, or a creep like myself, in underwear, or naked, and place the pencil lengthways beneath your butt crease. Once the pencil is in place, remove your hand. If the pencil remains in place, then you have nothing to worry about.
But what if the pencil falls?
Ha, then your ass might need some work!
Glossary: calories, exercise, glutes, gym membership, hip thrusts, hormones, leggings, muscle, patience, squats