Healthy Fourth Of July
So you want to have a healthy Fourth of July, huh?
Ummmmmm, you do know the Fourth of July is a holiday, right?!
And you know that calories don’t count on holidays, right?!?!1Neither do they count at night, on weekends, vacations, birthdays, and countless other occasions.
Knowing those two things, I don’t know why you would want to have a healthy Independence Day!
Since I can’t logically see you doing that to yourself, by no means will I tell you to dump grilled hamburgers and hot dogs for grilled shrimp, vegetable, and pineapple kabobs.
Nope!
And I most certainly won’t inform you that another way to cut down the fat is to go with a fake meat burger if you just can’t go a day without the feel of a nice, warm slab of meat working the inside of your mouth and throat.
I’ll also be damned if I advise you to top your meat or meatless burger with a whole-wheat bun to slash calories. And since I won’t tell you that, I won’t tell you that another option is just going bunless, like you manage to walk around doing all year round.2Seriously, you need to work on your glute development!
Sorry, but I’m trying to protect the integrity of your holiday fun, so there’s absolutely nothing you can do to compel me to share any of that information with you!
That means that even under pain of death I won’t reveal that a good starch option is corn on the cob because its high fiber content can help you feel full and eat less.
No! No!! No!!!
There’s no threat you can convey that’ll make me tell you to drink water instead of sugar-filled sodas. Neither can you bully me into providing a link of recipes for BCAA mocktails you can make in place of alcoholic beverages.
You can’t make me do any of that shit!
We both know that having a healthy Fourth of July is not something that you really want to do. So on this most patriotic of days when we commemorate the fight against tyranny, I’m doing my patriotic duty to refuse the tyranny of you trying to make me help you do what you don’t want to do.
So go and enjoy the day and night, you!
Hmmmmm…hold on a bit.
On second thought, there won’t be much enjoyment for you at night.
See, exercise helps boost libido and improve sexual performance. So because you don’t work out, fireworks are the only thing that’ll be going bang tonight!
NOTE: If you have stupid goals and actually want to ruin your holiday, then you might want to check out some holiday eating tips to help you do what I refused — REFUSED!!! — to do here.
Glossary: calories, exercise, weekend, work out
