Healthy Ways To Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day
In a time long, long ago before you started caring about your health and body by eating right and exercising regularly, you used to get drunk every day at work to help numb your brain to what your life’s amounted to. While St. Patrick’s Day allows you the chance to relive those old times of just a few weeks past, day drinking isn’t why you’ve been looking forward to the holiday.
No, you’ve been counting down the days to sinfully indulge in traditional Irish fare that takes you back to your cultural roots.
You know, stuff like potatoes.
…and corned beef and cabbage.1For those who don’t know, corned beef and cabbage is a dish created in America by Irish-Americans and it really, really pisses off Irish people from Ireland when people think that atrocity is a traditional Irish dish.
…and Lucky Charms cereal.2Fuck, they’re magically delicious!
…and a Shamrock Shake.3From McDonald’s, the premier fine dining Irish eatery, of course — not a knockoff version of the seasonal milkshake from elsewhere!!!
…and green supermarket cupcakes.
…and other authentic Irish food and delicacies that help transport you to your ancestral home of Ireland.4Nah, no need to tell me. I know you’re not Irish despite the t-shirt you’re wearing saying “Kiss me, I’m Irish.” Speaking of which, I see some #metoo allegations in your future when the truth comes out that you stole smooches under false pretenses. So just be careful!
Seeing that I know how important culture is and St. Patrick’s Day is the one day of the year when everyone, including yourself, is Irish, I’m not here to ruin your fun or cultural appropriation. So just go ahead and enjoy everything the holiday has to offer in celebration of your proud Irish heritage!5This advice, of course, is predicated on you adhering to your eating plan the days before and getting back on track with it the day after!!!
NOTE: If you have stupid goals and actually want some healthy ways to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day without going completely off your eating plan, then you might want to check out some holiday eating tips to help you have a boring but healthy St. Paddy’s Day.
Glossary: exercise
