The (Not So) Importance Of Eating Breakfast
So I’m supposed to tell you the importance of eating breakfast.
Yeah, I’m supposed to lie to you like your mother and the food industry.
Why would your mother lie about this?
Ummmmm…because of the sick, twisted joy parents get out of lying to their children!1Some examples among a slew of fantastic lies include babies coming from storks, how much of a blessing you are, and the idea that you can be anything you want to be when you grow up. You? Being anything you want? Ha! Now, that’s rich!
As for the food industry, they have good reason to lie, too.
Know why?
To get you to buy more shit!!!
Nope, breakfast isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Nope, not at all!
Now, by me saying “Nope, breakfast isn’t all it’s cracked up to be” doesn’t mean there aren’t benefits to eating something to start your day.
For one, studies show that people who eat breakfast are more successful at achieving and maintaining a healthy weight than those who skip it.2Some of these studies are independent, but the Kellogg Company, Quaker Oats, and other breakfast food makers funded a large body of them. To be honest, I don’t know why I’m making that distinction when those companies certainly have no interest in promoting the idea that breakfast is essential *eye roll emoji*
Second, eating breakfast can help with muscle wasting.
See, depending on how well you prepare for bed — as in whether you go to sleep on an empty stomach or consume a slow-absorbing casein product like cottage cheese — the eating away of muscle known as catabolism happens to some degree during the 7-10 hours of sleep that comes after tossing and turning to E-V-E-R-Y poor life decision playing back in your head.
For someone concerned with going from looking like you to looking like me, eating at some point upon waking is important in stopping what really just amounts to the body cannibalizing itself. The reason why is pretty obvious, so you should be able to figure it out.
…
Because I apparently don’t trust the cognitive powers of some of you (not you, though), I’m going to spell out the importance of eating breakfast here.
Bear with me now.
Ya see, if nutrient intervention doesn’t take place when you roll out of bed, then cortisol — which rises and peaks just prior to wake-up time — will remain elevated. When this happens, not only will precious calorie-burning muscle continue acting as a fuel source but the promotion of fat storage, particularly in the abdominal area, will continue further into the day until you finally decide to have your first meal and, thus, break the fast.3Yes, folks, that’s where the word “breakfast” originates from. It’s a breaking of a long period without food, otherwise known as a fast. Yup, you just learned something new today!
With all the talk of weight loss and muscle wasting, how the fuck can I say “Nope, breakfast isn’t all it’s cracked up to be”?!?!
Easy!
Me saying “Nope, breakfast isn’t all it’s cracked up to be” means it isn’t the end all be all meal your mother and disembodied voice on numerous TV commercials have made it out to be, as no great calamity is going to befall you if you hold off and eat your first meal much, much later in the day.
Need proof of nothing bad happening?
Then just look at breakfast skipping practitioners of intermittent fasting. They go hours without eating and see no detrimental effects.4I mean, other than getting punched in the face for routinely announcing they’re intermittent fasting like people give a fuck!
Be that as it may that you don’t have to eat breakfast, I understand that it’s tough to undo years of brainwashing. So if you’re committed to eating breakfast out of fear of incurring your mother’s wrath and drawing the vengeance of the food industry for fucking with their money, what should it consist of?
You mean, besides dessert masquerading as a nutritious meal?
I’m looking at you pancakes, waffles, doughnuts, and muffins, toaster pastries, and any cold cereal with its own cartoon mascot!
The problem?
Many of those items contain far too much sugar, much of which gets stored as visceral fat and sets you up for cravings the rest of the day thanks to the early insulin spike.
That’s ¡no bueno!
But what about bacon and sausage?
Ummmmm…those processed meats are high in calories, saturated fat, cholesterol, and sodium, as well as carcinogenic preservatives like nitrites and nitrates.
So yeah, what about ’em?!
Whoa there, you say!
If you shouldn’t pile your plate or fill your bowl with any of the deliciousness above, then what I’m saying is that not only have you been eating breakfast when you didn’t really have to but you’ve also been doing it wrong?
THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I’M SAYING!!!
So what should you reach for instead?
Well, you should always reach for the stars.
ALWAYS!!!
As for at the breakfast table, reach for things with carbs, fiber, and protein.
Your first meal should include each nutrient because…well, that’s given below, as well as some of the best breakfast choices containing it.
CARBS
During sleep, the body uses its liver glycogen stores for the energy necessary to perform its functions.
As a result, your energy reserves aren’t as stocked as they should be when you wake up because you’ve gone a few hours without refueling, which also means that your blood glucose levels are low.
That’s why you should consume carbs upon waking, to replenish glycogen and raise blood sugar.
But wait, not just any old carbs will do!
Oatmeal, whole grain bread, buckwheat, and other complex carb sources release energy slowly and gradually elevate blood sugar, as opposed to the high glycemic carbs in popular breakfast fare that do nothing but immediately spike blood sugar and insulin, eventually leading to you crashing and feeling irritable later in the day, as well as hungry.
FIBER
If you’re like the average person, your daily fiber intake is comical.5The recommended daily intake is 21-25 grams for women and 30-38 grams for men. Women would say men need the greater amount of fiber because we’re full of so much shit, but that has yet to be supported by science, ladies!!!
That being the case that you’re like the average person, breakfast is the perfect time to get some fiber in you.
Fibrous fruits and veggies like bananas, berries, grapefruit, tomato, mushrooms, and spinach, plus nuts, flax, and chia seeds can help you feel fuller longer because fiber expands in the stomach, effectively tricking your brain.
So you already eat a crappy breakfast but never make it to lunchtime without shoveling even more crap into your mouth?
Now you know why, plus what to do about it!
And that’s to eat fiber because it can keep hunger at bay, especially when paired with protein.
PROTEIN
Protein helps with both the regulation of blood sugar and satiety.
It improves satiety so much that researchers at the University of Missouri found that study participants “who ate high-protein breakfasts reduced their daily food intake by 400 calories and lost body fat mass, while the groups who ate normal-protein breakfast or continued to skip breakfast gained additional body fat.”
Other than protein causing people to eat less over the course of the day, fat loss is also attributed to protein’s effect on the metabolism.
And that effect is…?!?!
Well, in what’s known as the specific dynamic action of food, protein requires as much as 3 to 4 times the amount of energy to digest, absorb, and dispose of than the other macronutrients. For example, consider the amount of work the body has to do before it can make use of protein to build and repair itself, as most of the calories expended to process it get spent just on the task of unraveling the strings binding the amino acids together.
Yeah, protein does a lot of things, which is why putting it on your breakfast dish should be your number one priority.
But how much protein do you need?
At least 35g of the stuff, which you should get from eggs, plain Greek yogurt, whey protein, cottage cheese, almond butter, and turkey bacon and sausage.
You don’t haaaaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvve to eat breakfast.
Nope!
But if you want to continue listening to parental directives and stay in the good graces of an evil food cabal, opt for items containing complex carbs, fiber, and protein.
That way, breakfast doesn’t become yet another display of your poor life decisions.
You already have too many of those!
That’s right, skip the pancakes, waffles, cereals, bacon, and other shit that makes life enjoyable.
I know, I know, I’ve ruined something else for you.
My heart weeps!
Glossary: calories, metabolism, muscle