Mother’s Day Nutrition Tips
It’s that annual time of the year to celebrate the women who made use of their vaginas to bring life into this world rather than just as pleasure holes.
So if you’re a mom, that means you’re likely to receive cards, flowers, and gifts from your kids. What else is likely is a special brunch or dinner at a restaurant.
So how should you handle your special day?
Well, if your kids aren’t grown, you should probably know that the tokens of appreciation from them are really from the person you had the child with because young kids are broke largely in part to some assholes thinking it should be illegal for children to work so that they can enjoy childhood before spending the rest of their woebegone days in drudgery on this planet. So fuck hugging and kissing your glory-hogging brats. Instead, direct that gratitude to the person who really deserves it! And if you’re a single mom who doesn’t have a partner in the picture, then the money for the items given to you by your children will more than likely come from you in some shape or form. That means that you’re the one who bought yourself your Mother’s Day cards, flowers, and gifts, so hug and kiss yourself!
That’s how you should handle your special day, toots!
…
Oh, wait, you were only asking about the food aspect?
Whoops!
Anyway, that’s easy!
Mother’s Day is a day set aside by society to honor the hard and valuable job of motherhood that it regularly gives lip service to. See, women are often tasked with sacrificing their education or career to raise children. Either that, or what’s sacrificed is the time spent with their children to work while having to carry a majority of the domestic load at home. Society in turn says it has the utmost respect for that sacrifice and the pivotal role that mothers play in raising children that will someday grow up to be responsible and productive citizens it can exploit. That respect, however, is seldom reflected in public policy by way of wages, childcare, paid leave, flexible schedules, or remote work opportunities.
As such, because it’s much better for you to be rewarded as a mother with one day out of the year than tangible benefits throughout it for your unique contributions, you might as well enjoy yourself for all it’s worth. After all, one day of eating off track from your diet isn’t going to do anything bad for you. That is, as long as you were on track the days and weeks prior and immediately get back on track with your healthy eating habits after.
So if you’re headed out to eat with your family, then go ahead and order that creamy pasta. Knock back a few glasses of wine. Deep-throat a slice or two of dense chocolate cake while thinking if only you had deep-throated something else the night you got pregnant, then you probably wouldn’t have had the little blessing(s) that you by no means get lost in thought day-dreaming about how your life would’ve been soooooooooooooo much better if you didn’t have them weighing you down!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!
Because you already have enough stress raising the future labor force and tax base for free in service of this country’s economic interests, there’s no need to compound it by worrying about what you’re going to eat.
But if, for some strange reason, you actually want to give a fuck about your nutrition like Mother’s Day were any other day, then you might possibly need more help than this, like perhaps some holiday eating tips. If, for some strange reason, that’s the case, then click the hypertext link!!!
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