Can I interest you in a bigger booty? More junk in the trunk? Cheeks plumper than a baby’s face? A caboose so large that when you walk down the street, cars stop and let you pass like they’re at a railroad crossing?
What say you to firmer buns? A rounder derriere? A donkey with no more saddlebags? Or so much real estate in your backyard that you have to pay property tax on it?
How about a larger wagon for you to be draggin’? A behind that can be viewed from the front? A meatier rump than ones hanging in a butcher shop? An almond busting tookis that makes people confuse you for the Nutcracker?
If you’re interested in any of that stuff, then give this booty building workout a go!1Preferably AFTER learning how to build bigger glutes and doing these glute activation exercises.
INSTRUCTIONS
A letter next to a number indicates that the exercise is part of a compound set. For example, something listed as 1A and 1B means that the prescribed number of reps for 1A are to be performed and immediately followed by the prescribed number of reps for 1B. Only when those two movements are complete are you to rest, with you beginning the next set after.
Rest periods between sets are 30 to 60 seconds, but that’s assuming you’re working with a light load. Once the load starts getting considerably heavy, rest breaks can be longer, from as little to a minute to as long as five. Use your discretion.
The weight used should be enough to complete the prescribed reps with effort. For instance, a set calling for 12 repetitions should start becoming a struggle by at least the 9th or so rep. If it’s not, the weight is too light. Additionally, the weight should increase on every set. The increase can be as little as 2.5 lbs on each side. It just has to be something! Refer below for exceptions.
If the exercise calls for 4 sets of 12 reps, for example, and the weight you started the exercise with was moderately heavy so that increasing the weight for the subsequent sets will severely cut down on the amount of reps you can do, then stay with the same weight for the remaining sets. Use your discretion, but don’t be a pussy. For exercises listed as 4 sets of 12, 10, 8, 6 reps, that means that the first set should be performed for 12 reps, add weight and do the next set for 10 reps, add weight and do the next set for 8 reps, etc.
If your gym doesn’t have the equipment for a particular exercise, then skip it. That’s the cost of having a cookie-cutter program like this because not every workout can be structured to your available equipment.
If you find that an exercise doesn’t agree with you, stop immediately. That’s the cost of having a cookie-cutter program like this because not every workout can be structured to your injury history and/or personal comfort.
NOTE: Barbell walking lunges (1C) should be performed by taking the prescribed number of steps with each leg in one direction then turning around and taking the same number of steps in the other direction back to the starting point. That’s one set!
NOTE: Pause the last rep of each set of barbell hip thrusts (2A) for 10 seconds before returning the weight to the starting position and resting.
NOTE: The last exercise calls for specific use of a Dynavec Gluteator (3). If your gym doesn’t have this particular piece of equipment or something similar, then just use a regular hip abduction machine but mimic the movement pattern of the Gluteator by leaning forward as you close your legs and leaning back as you open them.
NOTE: This booty building workout is one-size-fits-all. Because you’re an individual and don’t want to be like everyone else, you probably want to get yourself a regimen geared to your specific injury history, training experience, available equipment, goals, and other dumb shit this cookie-cutter routine wasn’t designed for you in mind. Yeah, maybe get yourself an exercise program designed by, I don’t know, yours truly. Well, nobody’s stopping you!!!
DISCLAIMER
The exercises provided by Monster Longe (and monsterlonge.com) are for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not to be interpreted as a recommendation for a specific treatment plan, product, course of action, or substitute for medical consultation. Monster Longe (and monsterlonge.com) disclaims any liability from and in connection with this program.
Exercise is not without its risks, and this or any other exercise program may result in injury. To reduce the risk of injury, consult your physician or healthcare provider before beginning this or any exercise program to determine if it is right for your needs. Do not start this exercise program if your physician or healthcare provider advises against it. As with any exercise program, if at any point during your workout you experience faintness, dizziness, pain, or shortness of breath, you should stop immediately and consult a physician.
Glossary: exercise, exercise equipment, glutes, goal, gym, program, reps, routine, workout
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