Why on earth would you ever drink water?!?!, you ask incredulously.
After all, water is as tasteless as the people you keep finding yourself in romantic relationships with.
Water = 🤮
But here’s the thing…
Water lubricates the joints, protects the spine and other sensitive shit from injury, flushes out waste and bacteria, regulates body temperature, and helps break down food so your body can absorb and make use of the vitamins, minerals, and energy-yielding nutrients found in plant and animal products.
Admittedly, those aren’t the most exciting reasons to drink water. For someone like you who’s all about the physical, giving a fuck about those benefits would be pretty hard because you can’t exactly show them off to others in person or on social media. Like, how the fuck are you expected to rub someone’s face in your lubed up joints?
Well, for one, your shallowness might explain your dating situation, as you keep basing your partners on their looks and nothing else then wonder why things turn out so badly between the two of you like the red flags about their crassness and other tasteless behavior weren’t there from the start. Secondly, there are other aspects of water that make it perfect for someone such as yourself who places a premium on appearance.
Curbs Appetite
Water takes up space in the stomach, helping to create a sense of fullness and a reduction in feelings of hunger, which can result in driving down overall calorie intake and the risk of weight gain.
Boosts Metabolism
Water increases resting metabolism by 10-30 percent for nearly an hour after drinking it, especially when the water is cold because the body has to expend energy, or burn calories, to warm it up to body temperature.
Improves Performance
Not having enough water in your system while working out can result in the early onset of fatigue from the muscle cells not receiving enough oxygen, electrolytes, and other nutrients that are involved in processes that affect energy levels, all of which are transported throughout the body by the blood via water.
Prevents Muscle Cramps
Sodium, magnesium, potassium, and chloride are examples of electrolytes, or minerals that trigger the muscle contractions necessary for movement. The loss of these electrically charged particles through sweat and the failure to replace them is thought to result in an electrolyte imbalance and the sudden and involuntary spasm of one or more muscles, though there are competing theories on what causes cramping.
Promotes Recovery
Water removes waste products that are produced by muscle damage during exercise and delivers important nutrients to the muscle cells that are needed for their repair.
Keeps Muscle Looking Full
Without adequate intake of water, your muscles will appear as if they’ve lost size because water makes up close to 80 percent of muscle mass.
Reduces Fluid Retention
To make up for the lack of incoming water when there isn’t enough in the diet, the body begins hoarding it in extracellular spaces, which makes your skin look soft and puffy.
Prevents Muscle Breakdown
It’s not known for certain yet but muscle cells losing water and their volume may speed up the breakdown of muscle into protein, in addition to possibly slowing down the production of it.
From weight management to helping you go harder in the gym so you can build more muscle, there are a number of ways that water can directly or indirectly help you maintain or improve your appearance.
So want to look good?
Yup, water is important as hell for your vain as fuck pursuits.
Given that, I know water sounds mighty, mighty tasty right about now!
Water Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 16.9 fl oz (500 mL)
• Calories: 0
• Total Fat: 0g
• Cholesterol: 0mg
• Sodium: 35mg
• Total Carbohydrate: 0g
• Dietary Fiber: 0g
• Sugar: 0g
• Protein: 0g
Glossary: calories, diet, exercise, gym, metabolism, muscle, work out
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