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Atrophy

atrophy

noun [a·truh·fee]
1. when skeletal tissue gets smaller and smaller in size from excessive periods of disuse, something a lot of you would be in trouble with if the penis were a muscle and not an organ. see also: SIGH OF RELIEF

Example of Atrophy in a Sentence
I started working out a week ago so I don’t have any muscles to speak of to even make this a serious concern yet but how long will it take them to atrophy if I stop working out? I just want to know because it’s about time I take a long break from the gym from hitting it so hard.

 

verb [a·truh·fee]
2. to lose muscle mass as a result of prolonged inactivity brought on by injury, disease, or you finding a bullshit, yet creative, excuse to cease working out (e.g. having an epiphany that there’s more to life than having a banging body and that lifting to get one eats up too much of your limited time on earth that could be spent on more spiritually fulfilling pursuits). see also: COMEDIC

Example of Atrophy in a Sentence
With all the sleeping around I do with people in the gym because they like the way my muscles look, I hope the universe doesn’t play a cruel joke on me by giving me a STD that causes them to atrophy.

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Natural

natural

adj [nach·er·uhl]
1. term used to describe oneself when you’ve used steroids or any other physique-altering drug because you have an image to protect, with honesty obviously not being a part of that image. see also: IDENTITY THEFT

noun [nach·er·uhl]
2. a person who makes it a point to tell everyone within earshot that they’ve never used steroids or any other physique-altering drug, with that info usually volunteered for no other reason than to explain why their body looks as unimpressive as it does because it’s by nooooooooo means possible to have a more respectable one without drugs. see also: EXCUSE

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Complaint Box

Complaint Box

Meal plans are one of the services I provide. Tell me some of the foods you enjoy eating and I’ll put them together with the right serving sizes so you can reach your weight management goal, whether that’s losing, gaining, or maintaining. Well, a few weeks ago, for the first time since I’ve been writing meal plans, a new client complained about theirs.

The issue?

The issue had to do with the supposed lack of variety. Apparently, she was expecting a number of different meal plans, maybe one for every day of the fucking week. Considering the price that I charge for a meal plan, I don’t know how she reasonably thought she was going to receive multiple meal plans, all different and custom to her, for the price she paid.

Nonetheless, what followed was me explaining my reason for only supplying one meal plan and having her eat the same thing every day. Because eating the same thing every day is something you should start doing likewise, I thought I’d share with you what I told her were the benefits of doing so.

For one thing, prepping your food ahead of time makes life easier because all you have to do is reheat what you made and then eat it, which saves you the trouble of cooking after a long day of work or thinking about what you want to eat. To this end, when you’re eating the same shit every day, it’s more convenient to prep food because everything can be made in bulk and just divvied up for however many meals over however many days, as opposed to preparing several unique items for each day and/or meal.

Secondly, research shows that people who successfully manage their weight tend to eat comparable things each day. Some reasons for this include it being easier to prep food in advance, as mentioned above. There’s also the fact that the more often you eat something, the more it becomes a habit instead of a conscious choice. To this end, someone coming to me for help and in need of a meal plan suggests the lack of healthy eating habits. As such, eating the same shit every day can help with the establishment of such a healthy eating pattern.

So nuh!

*sticking my tongue out with my thumbs in my ears and my fingers wiggling*


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Monster Longe
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Fitfluencer

fitfluencer

noun [fit·floo·uhn·ser]
1. a person whose appearance and large social media following automatically makes their health and fitness advice more credible than those who don’t share content limited to selfies of their abs and glutes and other displays of expansive knowledge. see also: AD POPULUM

Example of Fitfluencer in a Sentence
This fitfluencer I follow can’t even compose their thoughts in a complete sentence and most of what they’re saying about how to lose weight and build muscle would be refuted were I capable of doing my own research like a competent adult, but I think I’m going to empty my bank account on whatever they’re selling because boy do they have a nice set of intercostals!

 

2. someone who more often than not says their physique isn’t owed to drugs or surgery but their genetics, work ethic, dedication, and, most importantly, the supplements, diet plans, workout programs, and other garbage they’re making gobs of money off because you’re stupid enough to believe what they’re selling is why they look the way they do. see also: CHA-CHING!!!

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