noun [ded·lift]
a pull movement that calls for lifting a barbell off the ground from a bent-over position until the torso is erect; usually performed with more weight than it should be performed with by lifters who want to hurry up to wheelchair living because they have a general dislike for walking and the spine’s role in it. see also: EGO
A lot of you have children.
I don’t know how the fuck that happened, but yeah.
Well, I do know how it happened. A penis was inserted into a vagina and released sperm-filled ejaculate after only a few seconds of thrusting, with one male reproductive cell fusing with the ova of the very disappointed female to form an embryo.
Yeah, I know how kids are created.
What I’m saying is I don’t know who the fuck allowed you have intercourse with them to create one, let alone do it again to create more!
Anyway, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s a childhood obesity epidemic.
So because you have children and obesity is an issue that will more than likely affect them (if it doesn’t already), this video might be of interest to you.
But if you’re fattening them up to sell to some Brothers Grimm witch, then fuck the video and do your thing.
Times are hard, so I understand!
Can’t make your training sessions? Do your cardio? Weigh and track your food? Or anything else you’re supposed to do that gives the impression of you caring?
Well, what the fuck does that have to do with me?!
Shiiiiiiittttt, I don’t care about your goals.
I repeat, I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR GOALS!!!
Why?
Because it’s not my fucking job to.
That’s yours.
All I’m hired to do is provide you with the tools to reach your destination. Whether you make use of them is up to you, motherfucker!
Note: This can all change if you upgrade your coaching service to one that includes the feature of me caring more about your goals than you do, but please be aware that such an add-on is expensive as fuck!!!
Eating “healthy” to most of you means ordering pineapple on your pizza or drinking diet soda with your super-sized fast food meal.
But let’s assume that eating “healthy” actually means eating healthy, like salads, muesli, and other blah shit.
Well, eating “healthy” doesn’t mean shit if you’re taking in more calories than you should be, which isn’t something that automatically becomes impossible to do just because you’re eating a diet of boring food I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy.
So stop being fat and telling me that you don’t know how you are when you eat healthy!!!
verb [skwot]
to lower your hips and bend your knees until they’re at least 90 degrees before recovering from whatever hallucination you’re having because that’s the only instance you ever get that low. see also: INCHES
